Anything related to this is important

Before you say “good riddance!” to 2020, slow down and listen up. This is important.

I have some big news to share that’ll help you have more clarity, confidence, resilience, and success in the new year.

It has a lot to do with what my mom used to tell me as a little girl growing up in Jersey. 

“Marie, nothing in life is that complicated,” she’d say from halfway under the sink as she fixed a leak. “You can do whatever you set your mind to if you roll up your sleeves. Everything is figureoutable.”

I talk about this a lot. Everything is figureoutable was the theme of my Oprah talk and the title of my #1 NY Times Bestseller. Why do I keep harping on about it?


You are a one-time mega event in the universe. Don’t waste it.
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Because if you’re having trouble solving a problem or reaching a dream, the problem isn’t you. And it’s not the dumpster fire of 2020, either — truly. It’s that you haven’t yet installed this one belief that changes everything.

So here’s the big, exciting news:

The paperback edition of my bestselling book, Everything is Figureoutable, just launched today!

It’s hard to believe that one year ago, my team and I were in New York City doing the book launch to end all book launches. We had a massive event in NYC that kicked off a world tour with in-person gatherings around the globe. How the world has changed.

The Paperback Cover Reveal: New Look, Same Unstoppable Results

When we first released Everything is Figureoutable, I wanted the cover to be powerful, fresh, and exciting.

It took hundreds of hours collaborating with my team and the publisher to create the hardcover design you know and love. We even released a behind-the-scenes MarieTV all about the design process.

When it came to launching the paperback, we had a choice. 

Stick to the original? Or create a whole new design?

You know me — I couldn’t resist a challenge, and I’m thrilled with the result.

Now, you may know that the words “everything is figureoutable” came from my mother’s little Tropicana orange radio. As a little girl, I knew I could find her somewhere around the house by listening for the tinny sound coming from that radio.

This radio became a symbol for me — that everything really is figureoutable — and, since the launch of this book, thousands of you have adopted it as a symbol for yourselves.

This past year I’ve needed the “everything is figureoutable mantra more than ever. Even as I write this, I’m still recovering from an emergency hysterectomy that I definitely didn’t see coming.

But you know what this year of uncertainty, crisis, and change has taught me? What my team, our community, and YOU have shown me again and again?

That everything really is figureoutable — no matter what the circumstances.

To celebrate the life-changing impact of this book, we’re releasing a brand new cover design for the paperback (check it out below). Plus, you’ll get to read stories from folks who’ve used these three words to transform every aspect of their lives. Yes, even during a global pandemic.

I’m grateful I got this book out into the world in time to help people navigate the-year-that-never-ends.

And I’m excited to introduce it to you again in its whole new form.

Featuring, of course, my mom’s orange radio.

You can listen to an excerpt right now on MarieTV and The Marie Forleo Podcast.

Proof That Everything is Figureoutable (Even in 2020 & Beyond)

Want to test human resilience, creativity, courage, and fortitude? How about a pandemic, a social revolution, a harrowing election, and a stacking of personal loss, crisis, economic devastation, and illness? That’ll about do it — thanks 2020, you can stop now.

While I’m eager to welcome 2021, I’m also deeply grateful for getting Everything is Figureoutable out into the world when we did.

Over the past year, we’ve heard from SO many folks who’ve not just read the book, but DONE the book and created extraordinary results in the process. Read these three letters to inspire you to use the figureoutable mindset to create the life you want.

Hi Marie,
I wanted to thank you for your leadership and wisdom. I read your book at the start of this pandemic (back in April, which feels like a century ago now!) and it helped me completely transform my life.

Pre-Covid, I was a “starving artist”, working in a restaurant at night and auditioning for musicals during the day. When all the restaurants in NYC shut down, I knew it was my chance to get out of the restaurant industry for good, and find something else to do for money that would use my innovative creativity and storytelling skills. 

Since April, I have started a thriving digital marketing business, and I’ve picked up 2 part-time jobs — one Creative Director position and one Marketing Assistant position. I cannot believe that in the span of 5 months (and in the middle of a pandemic!) I would be able to find work that I am passionate about.

Thank you so much for all your wisdom and for kickstarting the idea that I could figure out anything if I set my mind to it. I feel like it was fate that I stumbled upon your book when I did.
~Sarah, New York

You don’t have to figure everything out at the same time. This next letter from Ellen shows how figuring out the small stuff first builds momentum to achieve your big dreams and pass on a legacy.

One day my car tire was nearly flat and I had no clue what to do. I remembered Marie’s mantra and Googled my car model and tire air pressure at the gas station and sorted out my flat tire in two minutes. This gave me proof and confidence that everything IS figureoutable. 

I’ve since gone on to get a well paying job and run my own business on the side. I have a range of power tools and my very own toolbox to flip a new four-bedroom house by the sea in Ireland. I passed Marie’s mantra on through word and action to my four children. Three of them have flown the coop and are studying law, accountancy, and psychology. They are living and working independently from me without a single loan. Marie’s mantra is their mantra as well as mine and I know they’ll pass it on to their children in the future.
~ Ellen, Ireland

And then there’s Bradford, who’s story makes me cry and cheer every time I read it.

I just thought I’d share with all y’all my own story of “figureoutable”… I am coming off a 7-year life stint that began with my mom coming down with Alzheimer’s. One day I got a call from my dad who let me know that he had to have my mom picked up and sent to the hospital, at which point we were told she’d never be able to go home again. We knew this day was going to inevitably come but we were devastated. We also had NO IDEA how to handle any of what was happening — or what was to come. 

Long story short, in the throes of heartbreak, we got my mom placed into a good memory care facility and began the process of figuring out the legal and financial matters. Again, with NO CLUE how any of this worked or how it would all come together. Then I had to pack up and sell our family home, move my dad into a new place, get him settled, find out within 6 months of moving in that HE had Alzheimer’s too (!!?!!), sell his new place, move him up to live near me so I could be his caregiver (while working a full-time job), eventually find him a memory care facility, plan their funeral arrangements, and — within the past year — say goodbye to both of them as they passed away. I had no fucking idea going into any of this but, in the end, it was indeed, figureoutable.

So, on the heels of all of that and with a new and deeply profound appreciation for the preciousness of life, I am now wrapping up my job (with healthy savings in the bank, mind you) to start off on a new life journey as an artist. Do I know exactly how I’ll get there? Not really. But now — more than EVER — I know that I’ll figure it out. And I’m thrilled to have your insights and inspiration for my journey into this new chapter.
~Bradford Crowder

Beautiful, right?

This is why I wrote Everything is Figureoutable. The exercises in this book retrain your brain to think more creatively and positively, even in the face of the most horrific setbacks.

It won’t always be easy. Or straightforward. But once you’ve ingrained this belief into your operating system, the inevitable obstacles, pain, devastation, and challenges that come with life won’t be any match for your inner resolve, creativity, and strength. 

Your Future Is Figureoutable

In the comments below, let me know one thing you most want to figure out in 2021. Do you want to sleep train your infant? Start a photography business? Tackle the climate crisis? Sing karaoke? It’s all fair game. Share your dream below — you never know when it might inspire someone else to do the same.

And, if you haven’t already, grab your paperback copy of Everything is Figureoutable.

Remember — no matter what happened in 2020 or what you’ll face in the new year — you have what it takes to figure anything out and become the person you’re meant to be.

XO

The post Your Future Is Figureoutable — NEW Paperback Book Cover Revealed appeared first on .

Who else loves mindset

Stop Asking Couples When They Are Having Kids

“So, when are you having kids?” my aunt asked me soon after I got married. At that point, I had just been married for a few months. I didn’t even know *if* I wanted kids, much less *when* I was having them.

Caught off guard, I replied matter-of-factly, “I have not decided if I want to have kids.” Little did I realize that I would spend the next hour listening to stories of women who put off having children until it was too late, as well as women who had difficulty conceiving for various reasons, with the implicit message being that I was going to regret it if I didn’t hurry and work on producing babies.

This would be my life for the next few years, where I would receive constant questions around “When are you having kids?” from relatives and random people, followed by a routine, almost ritualistic pressurization to have kids.

Lest you think that it ends after having a child, it doesn’t. The people who previously tried to tell you to have “just one kid” when you were indifferent to the idea, will now tell you to have a second one, along with reasons why you should do so. It seems like this questioning process never ends.

The problem with asking people “When are you having kids?”

I understand why people like to ask this question. Find a partner, settle down, get married, and have kids. This is the life path that we’ve been taught to follow since young. This is the life script that we’ve been told is *the* way of life, that would bring us ultimate joy and happiness.

This is especially so in the Chinese culture, where having kids is seen as the ultimate goal in life. There are even sayings built around this notion, such as 生儿育女 (shēng ér yù nǚ), which means to birth sons and raise daughters, and 子孙满堂 (zǐ sūn mǎn táng), which means to be in a room filled with children and grandchildren, used to signify the epitome of happiness.

Multi-Generation Chinese Family at the Park

A multi-generation family, often used to depict a vision of happiness in the Chinese culture

So after you get married, people automatically assume that you should have kids. “When are you having kids?” they ask, somehow expecting you to give them a straight answer to what is really a personal question.

The problem with this question is that it’s rude. It’s presumptuous. It’s also insensitive.

1) There are many different paths to happiness

Firstly, everyone has their own path in life. Some people want kids, while some don’t. Some think that having kids is the greatest joy in life, while some see them as a burden. At the end of the day, having kids isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There are significant ups and downs that come with having a kid, and for some people, the ups do not justify the downs. For these people, it may simply be better to remain childless, rather than having kids just to fit in or to fit societal expectations, and then set their lives up for unhappiness. To assume that everyone should have kids, just because you think that having kids is great and important, is rude and disregards that person’s own preferences in life.

For example, Oprah Winfrey is an inspiring woman and humanitarian who chose not to have kids, but has instead dedicated herself to her personal life purpose of serving the world. Oprah hosted her talk show The Oprah Winfrey Show for 25 years, founded a leadership academy for girls and became a mother figure to the girls in attendance, and started her own television network. These are things that most do not get to do in their lifetime. Through the years, she has inspired millions and become a champion for people worldwide. As she says,

“When people were pressuring me to get married and have children, I knew I was not going to be a person that ever regretted not having them, because I feel like I am a mother to the world’s children. Love knows no boundaries. It doesn’t matter if a child came from your womb or if you found that person at age two, 10, or 20. If the love is real, the caring is pure and it comes from a good space, it works.” — Oprah[1]

Is she not being a responsible or purposeful person or woman by choosing not to have kids? Definitely not. In fact, I dare say that she lives a much more purposeful life than many in the world, including some people who choose to have kids.

There are many famous celebrities who have chosen not to have kids as well.

  • Chelsea Handler is a talk show host who chose not to have kids. She has said honestly in interviews that she doesn’t have the time to raise a child, and she doesn’t want her kids to be raised by a nanny.[2][3]
  • Betty White is an actress and comedian who chose not to have kids because she’s passionate about her career and she prefers to focus on it.[4]
  • Ashley Judd is an actress and politican activist who chose not to have kids because she feels that there are already so many orphaned kids in this world. To her, her resources can be better used to help those who are already here, and I respect her for such a noble choice.[5]

And then there are others, such as Cameron Diaz, Chow Yun Fat, Marisa Tomei (the actress for Peter Parker’s aunt in Tom Holland’s Spider Man film series), Renée Zellweger, and Rachael Ray. These people choose not to have kids for different reasons, such as because they’re already pursuing paths deeply meaningful to them, because they do not wish to be tied down with a child, or because they just don’t feel a deep desire to have kids.

Not having kids has not prevented these people from being happy in life, and there’s no reason to assume why people must have kids in order to be happy. People need to stop painting this narrative that one must have children in order to be happy. There are plenty of people with kids who are unhappy, and plenty of people without kids who have found inner fulfillment in life through other ways. There is no one path to happiness, and people need to realize that.

2) You may well cause hurt and pain

Secondly, you never know what others are going through.

Some people may want kids, but maybe they are facing fertility struggles. For example,

  • Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan went through three miscarriages before having their firstborn.[6]
  • The Obamas had a miscarriage before they had their daughters via IVF.[7]
  • Friends star Courteney Cox had a total of seven miscarriages before having her daughter, as she has a MTHFR gene mutation which raises the risk of miscarriage-causing blood clots.[8]

About 10% of women have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant,[9] while 13.5% of known pregnancies end in miscarriages, with the figure rising as the maternal age rises.[10]

For some people, the journey to conceive is fraught with deep pain, struggle, and losses as they experience miscarriages, undergo round after round of invasive fertility treatments, and wait in hope of the double blue lines on their pregnancy kit each month.

And then there are people who cannot have their own biological children due to issues with their reproductive system, which could have been there since birth.

Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and family

Barack and Michelle Obama had a miscarriage before they had their daughters via IVF

While you may be think that you’re being helpful or funny by asking people when they’re having kids, your question may well trigger hurt and pain. As Zuckerberg said,

“You feel so hopeful when you learn you’re going to have a child. You start imagining who they’ll become and dreaming of hopes for their future. You start making plans, and then they’re gone. It’s a lonely experience.”[6]

3) Not everyone is in a place to have kids

Thirdly, having kids is simply not a reality for some people due to their circumstances in life.

Some people may lack the financial resources to have kids, a reality in a place like Singapore.

Some people may be facing problems with their marriage, in which case their priority should be to work on their marriage, not to have kids.

Some people may be so burdened with caring for their dependents that they are unable to consider kids, at least not at the moment.

And then there are people facing chronic health issues, issues that you don’t know and can’t see, which make pregnancy difficult due to the toll it would take on their body.

4) Some couples could still be thinking

And then there are people who are neutral to the idea of having kids, like myself when I just got married. These people need time to think it through, because having kids is a permanent, lifelong decision with serious consequences. There’s no reason to assume that having a kid should be an automatic decision, because you’re bringing a whole new life into this world. This is a decision that will change your life forever, as well as the life of the child you’re bringing into the world.

For those yet to have kids, they need the space to figure out what they want, not have people breathe down their neck day in and out about having kids.

My experience

For the initial years after I got married, I just wasn’t thinking about kids. Firstly, having a child is a lifelong decision, and I wanted to enjoy married life with my husband before diving into a decision as serious as that. Secondly, both my husband and I were genuinely happy spending the rest of our lives with just each other — we didn’t feel the need to have kids at all, not in the way my culture obsesses about it. Thirdly, my husband was dealing with some personal problems, and I was fully focused on supporting him through these. These were issues that we needed to sort through before considering kids, if we were to want kids.

Yet I kept getting nudges to have kids, even though I never said anything about wanting them.

“So, when are you having kids?”

“This person’s baby is so cute, isn’t it? Why don’t you hurry up and birth a baby?”

It was as if I was some vehicle, some production machine to have kids, where my own views in the matter didn’t matter. The most frustrating thing was that I kept getting this question, while my husband would never get it (as a man), not even when we were in the same room together.

It was as if my sole reason for existence as a woman was to have kids, and until I had them, I was regarded as unworthy or incomplete.

The decision to have kids

Yet the decision to have children is a personal one. It is also a complex one. It is a decision that will permanently change the lives of the couple in question.

It is not a decision that one should be pressurized into making because their mom wants to carry grandchildren or their aunt wants to play with kids. It’s a decision that a couple should make because they genuinely want to nurture another life.

Because when a child is born, the people bugging others to have kids aren’t the ones who will be caring for the baby 24/7, whose lives will be set back by years (even decades) as they care for a new life, or who will be responsible for every decision concerning the child for the next 18-21 years.

It will be the couple.

And the people who aren’t ready, who were pressured into having kids because they were told that it was the best thing to do, may have to deal with regret as they are stuck with a decision they cannot undo. Because there are people who regret having kids, and we need to be honest about that. These people regret, not because of the child’s fault, but because they were simply not ready to have kids, be it financially, emotionally, or mentally. Unfortunately, the children are the ones who eventually suffer, from living in dysfunctional households to dealing with issues of violenceabuse, and anger.

We need to recognize these realities, and not make parenthood seem like it’s some magical band-aid that solves a lack of purpose or life’s pressures. Things don’t magically get better because people have kids; existing problems usually worsen as having a child puts a big strain on a couple’s lives. Digging into people’s plans to have kids, and pressurizing them into one of the biggest life decisions they can ever make, will only stress them out and perhaps push some into depression. As this redditor shared,

“I have a friend who went through 6 years of miscarriages and fertility treatments before the doctors figured out the problem and she had her son. The nosy ladies at her work and her in-laws questioned her constantly. The depression from that made it harder for her to conceive.”

Stop asking couples when they’re having kids

So, if you tend to ask others when they’re having kids, it’s time to stop that. It’s rude, insensitive, and it disregards people’s privacy. It’s also none of your business.

The reality is that if people want kids, they will work on having kids. They don’t need you to prod them about it.

If they don’t have kids, it’s either because

  1. they really don’t want kids,
  2. they are not in a position to consider kids right now, or
  3. they want kids but they are facing some struggles.

For people in group (c), they aren’t going to share such deeply personal experience over some afternoon coffee chat, and certainly not by you asking, “When are you having kids?”

The best thing you can do is to give people their personal space. Understand that having kids is a personal decision, and people don’t have to share or explain anything. Respect that others have their right to privacy. Respect that people are individuals on their own path, and this path may not involve having kids. And this doesn’t make them incomplete or lesser in any way.

Instead of asking women or couples, “When are you having kids?”, talk to them like how you would a normal person. There’s no reason why conversations should suddenly revolve around childbearing after marriage; it’s not like a person’s identity changes to revolve around having kids. A person still has their own passion, goals, and dreams. Talk to them about what they’ve been doing. Understand their interests. Know them as a real person, not some random being here to fulfill society’s checklist.

If you’re really interested in someone’s plan to have children, you can simply ask, “Are you and your partner planning to have kids?” If they wish to share more, they will do so. If they give a generic answer, then take the hint and move on.

Ultimately, having kids or not doesn’t change a person’s self-worth. A woman is complete with or without kids. A marriage doesn’t need kids to be deemed complete. Having kids should be a conscious choice, not a result of external pressure. Don’t judge people by whether they have kids or not. Some people will have kids, and some people will not have kids. Some will have kids early, while some will have them later in life. All of these are different paths and there’s nothing wrong with them.

For Me

For my husband and I, we eventually had a few discussions and decided to have a baby, and had our baby girl this year (2020). 😊 Yet other people’s comments and nudges to have children didn’t make me want to have children; it only annoyed me and made me want to avoid these people, because having a child is a personal decision between me and my husband, that has nothing to do with them. It was after we had the space to settle down and enjoy married life without kids, and took some time to actively pursue our goals and interests, that we finally felt ready to try for a kid last year.

In the meantime, I hope all of you are doing well. There are other things that I’m working on, other things that are happening that I look forward to sharing in time to come. Sending lots of love to you, and remember that whatever life challenge you’re facing, you have it in you to overcome it. I’ll talk to you guys soon! 🙂

Always love everything related to mindset

Stop Asking Couples When They Are Having Kids

“So, when are you having kids?” my aunt asked me soon after I got married. At that point, I had just been married for a few months. I didn’t even know *if* I wanted kids, much less *when* I was having them.

Caught off guard, I replied matter-of-factly, “I have not decided if I want to have kids.” Little did I realize that I would spend the next hour listening to stories of women who put off having children until it was too late, as well as women who had difficulty conceiving for various reasons, with the implicit message being that I was going to regret it if I didn’t hurry and work on producing babies.

This would be my life for the next few years, where I would receive constant questions around “When are you having kids?” from relatives and random people, followed by a routine, almost ritualistic pressurization to have kids.

Lest you think that it ends after having a child, it doesn’t. The people who previously tried to tell you to have “just one kid” when you were indifferent to the idea, will now tell you to have a second one, along with reasons why you should do so. It seems like this questioning process never ends.

The problem with asking people “When are you having kids?”

I understand why people like to ask this question. Find a partner, settle down, get married, and have kids. This is the life path that we’ve been taught to follow since young. This is the life script that we’ve been told is *the* way of life, that would bring us ultimate joy and happiness.

This is especially so in the Chinese culture, where having kids is seen as the ultimate goal in life. There are even sayings built around this notion, such as 生儿育女 (shēng ér yù nǚ), which means to birth sons and raise daughters, and 子孙满堂 (zǐ sūn mǎn táng), which means to be in a room filled with children and grandchildren, used to signify the epitome of happiness.

Multi-Generation Chinese Family at the Park

A multi-generation family, often used to depict a vision of happiness in the Chinese culture

So after you get married, people automatically assume that you should have kids. “When are you having kids?” they ask, somehow expecting you to give them a straight answer to what is really a personal question.

The problem with this question is that it’s rude. It’s presumptuous. It’s also insensitive.

1) There are many different paths to happiness

Firstly, everyone has their own path in life. Some people want kids, while some don’t. Some think that having kids is the greatest joy in life, while some see them as a burden. At the end of the day, having kids isn’t all sunshine and rainbows. There are significant ups and downs that come with having a kid, and for some people, the ups do not justify the downs. For these people, it may simply be better to remain childless, rather than having kids just to fit in or to fit societal expectations, and then set their lives up for unhappiness. To assume that everyone should have kids, just because you think that having kids is great and important, is rude and disregards that person’s own preferences in life.

For example, Oprah Winfrey is an inspiring woman and humanitarian who chose not to have kids, but has instead dedicated herself to her personal life purpose of serving the world. Oprah hosted her talk show The Oprah Winfrey Show for 25 years, founded a leadership academy for girls and became a mother figure to the girls in attendance, and started her own television network. These are things that most do not get to do in their lifetime. Through the years, she has inspired millions and become a champion for people worldwide. As she says,

“When people were pressuring me to get married and have children, I knew I was not going to be a person that ever regretted not having them, because I feel like I am a mother to the world’s children. Love knows no boundaries. It doesn’t matter if a child came from your womb or if you found that person at age two, 10, or 20. If the love is real, the caring is pure and it comes from a good space, it works.” — Oprah[1]

Is she not being a responsible or purposeful person or woman by choosing not to have kids? Definitely not. In fact, I dare say that she lives a much more purposeful life than many in the world, including some people who choose to have kids.

There are many famous celebrities who have chosen not to have kids as well.

  • Chelsea Handler is a talk show host who chose not to have kids. She has said honestly in interviews that she doesn’t have the time to raise a child, and she doesn’t want her kids to be raised by a nanny.[2][3]
  • Betty White is an actress and comedian who chose not to have kids because she’s passionate about her career and she prefers to focus on it.[4]
  • Ashley Judd is an actress and politican activist who chose not to have kids because she feels that there are already so many orphaned kids in this world. To her, her resources can be better used to help those who are already here, and I respect her for such a noble choice.[5]

And then there are others, such as Cameron Diaz, Chow Yun Fat, Marisa Tomei (the actress for Peter Parker’s aunt in Tom Holland’s Spider Man film series), Renée Zellweger, and Rachael Ray. These people choose not to have kids for different reasons, such as because they’re already pursuing paths deeply meaningful to them, because they do not wish to be tied down with a child, or because they just don’t feel a deep desire to have kids.

Not having kids has not prevented these people from being happy in life, and there’s no reason to assume why people must have kids in order to be happy. People need to stop painting this narrative that one must have children in order to be happy. There are plenty of people with kids who are unhappy, and plenty of people without kids who have found inner fulfillment in life through other ways. There is no one path to happiness, and people need to realize that.

2) You may well cause hurt and pain

Secondly, you never know what others are going through.

Some people may want kids, but maybe they are facing fertility struggles. For example,

  • Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan went through three miscarriages before having their firstborn.[6]
  • The Obamas had a miscarriage before they had their daughters via IVF.[7]
  • Friends star Courteney Cox had a total of seven miscarriages before having her daughter, as she has a MTHFR gene mutation which raises the risk of miscarriage-causing blood clots.[8]

About 10% of women have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant,[9] while 13.5% of known pregnancies end in miscarriages, with the figure rising as the maternal age rises.[10]

For some people, the journey to conceive is fraught with deep pain, struggle, and losses as they experience miscarriages, undergo round after round of invasive fertility treatments, and wait in hope of the double blue lines on their pregnancy kit each month.

And then there are people who cannot have their own biological children due to issues with their reproductive system, which could have been there since birth.

Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and family

Barack and Michelle Obama had a miscarriage before they had their daughters via IVF

While you may be think that you’re being helpful or funny by asking people when they’re having kids, your question may well trigger hurt and pain. As Zuckerberg said,

“You feel so hopeful when you learn you’re going to have a child. You start imagining who they’ll become and dreaming of hopes for their future. You start making plans, and then they’re gone. It’s a lonely experience.”[6]

3) Not everyone is in a place to have kids

Thirdly, having kids is simply not a reality for some people due to their circumstances in life.

Some people may lack the financial resources to have kids, a reality in a place like Singapore.

Some people may be facing problems with their marriage, in which case their priority should be to work on their marriage, not to have kids.

Some people may be so burdened with caring for their dependents that they are unable to consider kids, at least not at the moment.

And then there are people facing chronic health issues, issues that you don’t know and can’t see, which make pregnancy difficult due to the toll it would take on their body.

4) Some couples could still be thinking

And then there are people who are neutral to the idea of having kids, like myself when I just got married. These people need time to think it through, because having kids is a permanent, lifelong decision with serious consequences. There’s no reason to assume that having a kid should be an automatic decision, because you’re bringing a whole new life into this world. This is a decision that will change your life forever, as well as the life of the child you’re bringing into the world.

For those yet to have kids, they need the space to figure out what they want, not have people breathe down their neck day in and out about having kids.

My experience

For the initial years after I got married, I just wasn’t thinking about kids. Firstly, having a child is a lifelong decision, and I wanted to enjoy married life with my husband before diving into a decision as serious as that. Secondly, both my husband and I were genuinely happy spending the rest of our lives with just each other — we didn’t feel the need to have kids at all, not in the way my culture obsesses about it. Thirdly, my husband was dealing with some personal problems, and I was fully focused on supporting him through these. These were issues that we needed to sort through before considering kids, if we were to want kids.

Yet I kept getting nudges to have kids, even though I never said anything about wanting them.

“So, when are you having kids?”

“This person’s baby is so cute, isn’t it? Why don’t you hurry up and birth a baby?”

It was as if I was some vehicle, some production machine to have kids, where my own views in the matter didn’t matter. The most frustrating thing was that I kept getting this question, while my husband would never get it (as a man), not even when we were in the same room together.

It was as if my sole reason for existence as a woman was to have kids, and until I had them, I was regarded as unworthy or incomplete.

The decision to have kids

Yet the decision to have children is a personal one. It is also a complex one. It is a decision that will permanently change the lives of the couple in question.

It is not a decision that one should be pressurized into making because their mom wants to carry grandchildren or their aunt wants to play with kids. It’s a decision that a couple should make because they genuinely want to nurture another life.

Because when a child is born, the people bugging others to have kids aren’t the ones who will be caring for the baby 24/7, whose lives will be set back by years (even decades) as they care for a new life, or who will be responsible for every decision concerning the child for the next 18-21 years.

It will be the couple.

And the people who aren’t ready, who were pressured into having kids because they were told that it was the best thing to do, may have to deal with regret as they are stuck with a decision they cannot undo. Because there are people who regret having kids, and we need to be honest about that. These people regret, not because of the child’s fault, but because they were simply not ready to have kids, be it financially, emotionally, or mentally. Unfortunately, the children are the ones who eventually suffer, from living in dysfunctional households to dealing with issues of violenceabuse, and anger.

We need to recognize these realities, and not make parenthood seem like it’s some magical band-aid that solves a lack of purpose or life’s pressures. Things don’t magically get better because people have kids; existing problems usually worsen as having a child puts a big strain on a couple’s lives. Digging into people’s plans to have kids, and pressurizing them into one of the biggest life decisions they can ever make, will only stress them out and perhaps push some into depression. As this redditor shared,

“I have a friend who went through 6 years of miscarriages and fertility treatments before the doctors figured out the problem and she had her son. The nosy ladies at her work and her in-laws questioned her constantly. The depression from that made it harder for her to conceive.”

Stop asking couples when they’re having kids

So, if you tend to ask others when they’re having kids, it’s time to stop that. It’s rude, insensitive, and it disregards people’s privacy. It’s also none of your business.

The reality is that if people want kids, they will work on having kids. They don’t need you to prod them about it.

If they don’t have kids, it’s either because

  1. they really don’t want kids,
  2. they are not in a position to consider kids right now, or
  3. they want kids but they are facing some struggles.

For people in group (c), they aren’t going to share such deeply personal experience over some afternoon coffee chat, and certainly not by you asking, “When are you having kids?”

The best thing you can do is to give people their personal space. Understand that having kids is a personal decision, and people don’t have to share or explain anything. Respect that others have their right to privacy. Respect that people are individuals on their own path, and this path may not involve having kids. And this doesn’t make them incomplete or lesser in any way.

Instead of asking women or couples, “When are you having kids?”, talk to them like how you would a normal person. There’s no reason why conversations should suddenly revolve around childbearing after marriage; it’s not like a person’s identity changes to revolve around having kids. A person still has their own passion, goals, and dreams. Talk to them about what they’ve been doing. Understand their interests. Know them as a real person, not some random being here to fulfill society’s checklist.

If you’re really interested in someone’s plan to have children, you can simply ask, “Are you and your partner planning to have kids?” If they wish to share more, they will do so. If they give a generic answer, then take the hint and move on.

Ultimately, having kids or not doesn’t change a person’s self-worth. A woman is complete with or without kids. A marriage doesn’t need kids to be deemed complete. Having kids should be a conscious choice, not a result of external pressure. Don’t judge people by whether they have kids or not. Some people will have kids, and some people will not have kids. Some will have kids early, while some will have them later in life. All of these are different paths and there’s nothing wrong with them.

For Me

For my husband and I, we eventually had a few discussions and decided to have a baby, and had our baby girl this year (2020). 😊 Yet other people’s comments and nudges to have children didn’t make me want to have children; it only annoyed me and made me want to avoid these people, because having a child is a personal decision between me and my husband, that has nothing to do with them. It was after we had the space to settle down and enjoy married life without kids, and took some time to actively pursue our goals and interests, that we finally felt ready to try for a kid last year.

In the meantime, I hope all of you are doing well. There are other things that I’m working on, other things that are happening that I look forward to sharing in time to come. Sending lots of love to you, and remember that whatever life challenge you’re facing, you have it in you to overcome it. I’ll talk to you guys soon! 🙂

I think posts about self-improvement is great who agrees?

The Opportunity in Adversity

By Eckhart Tolle

Life unfolds between the polarities of order and chaos. It is important at this time to recognize these two fundamental opposites, without which the world could not even be. Another word for disorder is “adversity.” When it becomes more extreme, we might call it “chaos.”

We would prefer, of course, to have order in our lives, which means to have things going well. We would like relative harmony in our lives. Yet, that very often is marred by the eruption of some form of disorder. And, usually, we resent that—we get angry, or despondent, or sad.

Disorder comes in many, many forms, big and small. When disorder comes it usually creates a kind of havoc in our lives, accompanied by strong underlying beliefs. “There’s something very wrong, this should not be happening, maybe God is against me,” and so on. Again, we need to understand that disorder, or adversity, is inevitable and is an essential part of a higher order.

 From a higher perspective, a higher level, the existence of order and disorder, or order and chaos, is a necessary part of the evolution of life.

 Many people have found that they experience a deepening, or a deeper sense of self or beingness, immediately after and as a result of having endured a period of disorder or chaos. This is sometimes called “the dark night of the soul,” a term from medieval Christianity used to describe the mental breakdown that many mystics experienced prior to awakening spiritually. There was an eruption of disorder, of destruction. Then, out of that, a deeper realization arose.

 And although that can be very painful, the strange thing is, it’s precisely there that many humans experience a transcendence. A strange fact is that it almost never happens that people awaken spiritually while they’re in their comfort zone. Or that they become deeper as human beings, which would be a partial awakening. It almost never happens. The place where the evolutionary shift happens, or the evolutionary leap, is usually the experience of disorder in a person’s life.

And so your life then moves between order and disorder. You have both, and they’re both necessary. There’s no guarantee that when disorder erupts this will bring about an awakening or a deepening, but there’s always the possibility. It is an opportunity, but often, it is missed.

 So here we are at this time, and our mission is the same: to align with the present moment, with whatever is happening here and now. The upheaval that we’re experiencing at the present time probably will not be the last upheaval that’s going to come on a collective level. However, it is an opportunity—because although this is a time for upheavals, it is also a time for awakening. The two go together. Just as in an individual life, you need adversity to awaken. It’s an opportunity but not a guarantee. And so what looks tragic and unpleasant on a conventional level is actually perfectly fine and as it should be on a higher level; it would not be happening otherwise. It’s all part of the awakening of human beings and of planetary awakening.

To learn more about Eckhart’s teachings on Conscious Manifestation, click here.

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The post The Opportunity in Adversity appeared first on Eckhart Tolle | Official Site – Spiritual Teachings and Tools For Personal Growth and Happiness.

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Before you say “good riddance!” to 2020, slow down and listen up. This is important.

I have some big news to share that’ll help you have more clarity, confidence, resilience, and success in the new year.

It has a lot to do with what my mom used to tell me as a little girl growing up in Jersey. 

“Marie, nothing in life is that complicated,” she’d say from halfway under the sink as she fixed a leak. “You can do whatever you set your mind to if you roll up your sleeves. Everything is figureoutable.”

I talk about this a lot. Everything is figureoutable was the theme of my Oprah talk and the title of my #1 NY Times Bestseller. Why do I keep harping on about it?


You are a one-time mega event in the universe. Don’t waste it.
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Because if you’re having trouble solving a problem or reaching a dream, the problem isn’t you. And it’s not the dumpster fire of 2020, either — truly. It’s that you haven’t yet installed this one belief that changes everything.

So here’s the big, exciting news:

The paperback edition of my bestselling book, Everything is Figureoutable, just launched today!

It’s hard to believe that one year ago, my team and I were in New York City doing the book launch to end all book launches. We had a massive event in NYC that kicked off a world tour with in-person gatherings around the globe. How the world has changed.

The Paperback Cover Reveal: New Look, Same Unstoppable Results

When we first released Everything is Figureoutable, I wanted the cover to be powerful, fresh, and exciting.

It took hundreds of hours collaborating with my team and the publisher to create the hardcover design you know and love. We even released a behind-the-scenes MarieTV all about the design process.

When it came to launching the paperback, we had a choice. 

Stick to the original? Or create a whole new design?

You know me — I couldn’t resist a challenge, and I’m thrilled with the result.

Now, you may know that the words “everything is figureoutable” came from my mother’s little Tropicana orange radio. As a little girl, I knew I could find her somewhere around the house by listening for the tinny sound coming from that radio.

This radio became a symbol for me — that everything really is figureoutable — and, since the launch of this book, thousands of you have adopted it as a symbol for yourselves.

This past year I’ve needed the “everything is figureoutable mantra more than ever. Even as I write this, I’m still recovering from an emergency hysterectomy that I definitely didn’t see coming.

But you know what this year of uncertainty, crisis, and change has taught me? What my team, our community, and YOU have shown me again and again?

That everything really is figureoutable — no matter what the circumstances.

To celebrate the life-changing impact of this book, we’re releasing a brand new cover design for the paperback (check it out below). Plus, you’ll get to read stories from folks who’ve used these three words to transform every aspect of their lives. Yes, even during a global pandemic.

I’m grateful I got this book out into the world in time to help people navigate the-year-that-never-ends.

And I’m excited to introduce it to you again in its whole new form.

Featuring, of course, my mom’s orange radio.

You can listen to an excerpt right now on MarieTV and The Marie Forleo Podcast.

Proof That Everything is Figureoutable (Even in 2020 & Beyond)

Want to test human resilience, creativity, courage, and fortitude? How about a pandemic, a social revolution, a harrowing election, and a stacking of personal loss, crisis, economic devastation, and illness? That’ll about do it — thanks 2020, you can stop now.

While I’m eager to welcome 2021, I’m also deeply grateful for getting Everything is Figureoutable out into the world when we did.

Over the past year, we’ve heard from SO many folks who’ve not just read the book, but DONE the book and created extraordinary results in the process. Read these three letters to inspire you to use the figureoutable mindset to create the life you want.

Hi Marie,
I wanted to thank you for your leadership and wisdom. I read your book at the start of this pandemic (back in April, which feels like a century ago now!) and it helped me completely transform my life.

Pre-Covid, I was a “starving artist”, working in a restaurant at night and auditioning for musicals during the day. When all the restaurants in NYC shut down, I knew it was my chance to get out of the restaurant industry for good, and find something else to do for money that would use my innovative creativity and storytelling skills. 

Since April, I have started a thriving digital marketing business, and I’ve picked up 2 part-time jobs — one Creative Director position and one Marketing Assistant position. I cannot believe that in the span of 5 months (and in the middle of a pandemic!) I would be able to find work that I am passionate about.

Thank you so much for all your wisdom and for kickstarting the idea that I could figure out anything if I set my mind to it. I feel like it was fate that I stumbled upon your book when I did.
~Sarah, New York

You don’t have to figure everything out at the same time. This next letter from Ellen shows how figuring out the small stuff first builds momentum to achieve your big dreams and pass on a legacy.

One day my car tire was nearly flat and I had no clue what to do. I remembered Marie’s mantra and Googled my car model and tire air pressure at the gas station and sorted out my flat tire in two minutes. This gave me proof and confidence that everything IS figureoutable. 

I’ve since gone on to get a well paying job and run my own business on the side. I have a range of power tools and my very own toolbox to flip a new four-bedroom house by the sea in Ireland. I passed Marie’s mantra on through word and action to my four children. Three of them have flown the coop and are studying law, accountancy, and psychology. They are living and working independently from me without a single loan. Marie’s mantra is their mantra as well as mine and I know they’ll pass it on to their children in the future.
~ Ellen, Ireland

And then there’s Bradford, who’s story makes me cry and cheer every time I read it.

I just thought I’d share with all y’all my own story of “figureoutable”… I am coming off a 7-year life stint that began with my mom coming down with Alzheimer’s. One day I got a call from my dad who let me know that he had to have my mom picked up and sent to the hospital, at which point we were told she’d never be able to go home again. We knew this day was going to inevitably come but we were devastated. We also had NO IDEA how to handle any of what was happening — or what was to come. 

Long story short, in the throes of heartbreak, we got my mom placed into a good memory care facility and began the process of figuring out the legal and financial matters. Again, with NO CLUE how any of this worked or how it would all come together. Then I had to pack up and sell our family home, move my dad into a new place, get him settled, find out within 6 months of moving in that HE had Alzheimer’s too (!!?!!), sell his new place, move him up to live near me so I could be his caregiver (while working a full-time job), eventually find him a memory care facility, plan their funeral arrangements, and — within the past year — say goodbye to both of them as they passed away. I had no fucking idea going into any of this but, in the end, it was indeed, figureoutable.

So, on the heels of all of that and with a new and deeply profound appreciation for the preciousness of life, I am now wrapping up my job (with healthy savings in the bank, mind you) to start off on a new life journey as an artist. Do I know exactly how I’ll get there? Not really. But now — more than EVER — I know that I’ll figure it out. And I’m thrilled to have your insights and inspiration for my journey into this new chapter.
~Bradford Crowder

Beautiful, right?

This is why I wrote Everything is Figureoutable. The exercises in this book retrain your brain to think more creatively and positively, even in the face of the most horrific setbacks.

It won’t always be easy. Or straightforward. But once you’ve ingrained this belief into your operating system, the inevitable obstacles, pain, devastation, and challenges that come with life won’t be any match for your inner resolve, creativity, and strength. 

Your Future Is Figureoutable

In the comments below, let me know one thing you most want to figure out in 2021. Do you want to sleep train your infant? Start a photography business? Tackle the climate crisis? Sing karaoke? It’s all fair game. Share your dream below — you never know when it might inspire someone else to do the same.

And, if you haven’t already, grab your paperback copy of Everything is Figureoutable.

Remember — no matter what happened in 2020 or what you’ll face in the new year — you have what it takes to figure anything out and become the person you’re meant to be.

XO

The post Your Future Is Figureoutable — NEW Paperback Book Cover Revealed appeared first on .

Important Info

At the end of every year, I like to reflect on everything that’s happened over the past twelve months. Though 2020 was memorable for unfortunate reasons, I’ve already forgotten some of the smaller things that happened over the course of the year.

Remember when Tiger King and whipped coffee were all we talked about for a while? That feels like a lifetime ago. Sometimes changes in our lives are so subtle that we barely notice they’re happening. You might not have recognized the wins you had or the ways you’ve grown because there were other things fighting for your attention.

30 end of year journal prompts to close out this chapter and move into the new year with a fresh mindset

If you’re like me, the goals you set in January may no longer feel relevant. You might have put them on the back-burner because other things took priority. And that’s okay. Give yourself some credit for dealing with something that none of us have ever experienced before.

Sidenote on my goals: I did pay off half of my credit card debt and built up my emergency fund.

Whether you achieved your goals or not, it’s helpful to take a moment to process your experience of the past year. That way, you can let go of anything that’s weighing you down.

To help you reflect on the year, I’ve put together a list of 30 end of year journal prompts to close out this chapter and move into the new year with a fresh mindset.

I recommend setting aside 30 minutes or so to let yourself journal and be in the moment. Create a comfy environment by making a cup of your favorite beverage, putting on a calming playlist, and lighting a candle. Savor this mindful ritual with yourself!

30 End of Year Journal Prompts for Self-Reflection


30 end of year journal prompts to close out this chapter and move into the new year with a fresh mindset

Click here to download the printable version

Challenges & Wins

  1. What were your biggest challenges from the year? What did you learn from them?
  2. What were your biggest wins from the year? What did you accomplish? What are you proud of yourself for?

Resources

  1. What helped you to get through this year? (e.g. routines, boundaries, relationships, resources)
  2. What were your favorite books, movies, shows, and songs from the past year?

Inner Self

  1. How would you describe the version of yourself from the past year? How have you changed since last year? In what ways have you grown this year?
  2. What kind of person do you want to become next year? How do you want to grow? How can you treat yourself with love, respect, and patience?

Wellness

  1. How well did you take care of yourself this year? Did you prioritize exercise, sleep, and nutrition?
  2. How will you commit to taking even better care of yourself next year?

Boundaries

  1. What kind of boundaries did you set for yourself and others this year? How did you uphold those boundaries? Where did you let them slide? 
  2. What do you want your boundaries to look like for next year? How will you prioritize them?

Routine

  1. What did your typical daily routine look like this year? How did you start and end your days? 
  2. What do you want your routine to look like for next year? What would be your ideal morning and evening routines?

Priorities

  1. What were your top three priorities this past year? (e.g. work, family, finances, self-care, mental health, etc)
  2. What are your top three priorities for next year? Why are they important to you?

Work

  1. How satisfied were you with your work this year? What did you enjoy and not enjoy?
  2. What changes could you make next year will help you feel fulfilled with your work?

Environment

  1. What role did your environment play in your life this year? (Think of your living space, community, workspace, nature, etc)
  2. Do you want to make any changes to your environment next year? What would your ideal environment look and feel like?

Emotions

  1. What emotions did you experience this past year? Did you allow yourself to feel or talk about them freely?
  2. What feelings do you want to embrace for next year? What intentions do you want to set?

Thoughts

  1. What was your mindset like this year? Did you overthink or overanalyze anything in particular?
  2. How can you improve your mindset in the next year? How will you commit to keeping a healthy mindset?

Connections

  1. Who did you connect with this year? Who made you feel the most supported?
  2. Who do you want to connect with next year? What kind of people do you want to surround yourself with?

Fun & Hobbies

  1. How did you relax and unwind this year? What were your favorite memories? Did you start any new hobbies or nurture old ones?
  2. What do you want to explore more of next year? What does fun look like to you?

Gratitude 

  1. Who are you most grateful for? What are you most grateful for? Write down why you are grateful for these people and things.
  2.  How can you express your gratitude more next year?

Goals & Growth

  1. What goals did you set for yourself at the beginning of the year? Did you achieve them? (Note: Remember to give yourself grace if you didn’t achieve your goals)
  2. What are your goals for next year? What do you want to learn or get better at? Think of work, health, finances, relationships, and home. What tools or resources will help you stay on track with your goals?

See you next year!

I hope these end of year journal prompts help you reflect on the past year and move into the new year with ease and intention. Feel free to leave a comment with some of your reflections from this list!

In the mood for some goal setting? Check out this post about how to create a vision plan for the future.

The post 30 Journal Prompts for End of the Year Reflection appeared first on The Blissful Mind.