Valuable Post

Puzzle

If you try to tackle a big project and end up getting stuck somewhere along the way, it might mean that some steps are missing.

Imagine trying to complete a difficult, 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. Even though it has a thousand pieces, finishing the puzzle requires to complete more than a thousand steps.

You need to spend time sorting, grouping, and looking for edge pieces. You also might have to undo some parts of your work as you go along—which adds more steps, since now you need to override previous tasks that you thought had been completed.

This is all logical enough, but a) it takes time, and b) if you haven’t ever done a large puzzle before, you might get frustrated. You might give up along the way, leaving your puzzle half-finished and sitting on the kitchen table for weeks. Finally, you push the pieces back into the box, swearing off puzzles until the next family holiday gathering or global pandemic.

Maybe the root cause of puzzle neglect could be traced to the beginning: you underestimated the number of steps, as well as the amount of effort that would be required to persevere beyond the easy ones.

Two weeks ago, I asked a question in my newsletter: “Why haven’t you started?”

My theory was that a lot of people (maybe even most of us) have something that we really want to do, but we struggle with making any real progress. The more I investigate this question, the more I believe that the answer is twofold.

First, we struggle in getting started because we don’t really know what the first steps are. Often there are prerequisites, steps you have to complete before the “official” first steps, which effectively means that your list of steps is incomplete. There’s an obvious solution to problem one: we need better lists of steps.

But that’s not all! The other reason we struggle has to do with self-doubt or some other internal obstacle.

In response to my question, a lot of readers said something like this:

  • “I know what to do, I just can’t bring myself to do it.”
  • “I’ve been thinking about it for years, but I still haven’t done anything.”
  • “I failed once, so I’m afraid to try again.”

In these situations, having a better list of steps doesn’t fully solve the problem—or perhaps we could say that step one is “learn to believe in yourself.” This will require some more investigation, so I’ll let you know what I come up with.

Until then, know your steps, and have confidence in yourself. Puzzles are hard for a reason!

P.S. One more thing: in jigsaw puzzles, as well as many other challenging endeavors, some steps are harder than others. Some sections may actually be easy, and even in a hard puzzle, putting in the last few pieces is going to be a lot easier than the ones in the middle.

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Image: Marcus

anyone else like this post as much as i do

You know you want more — more out of your business, more out of your relationship, your career, or your friendships. But how do you get it? How do you get from Point A to Point B?

Simple.

You ask for it.

In today’s interview with Alexandra Carter — Columbia Law Professor, negotiation expert, and author of the book Ask For More — you’ll learn how to get more of what you want without manipulation or slimy tactics.

Alexandra is a go-to negotiation trainer for the United Nations. Now she’s on MarieTV to show you how to turn a “no” into a “yes,” and why it’s important to teach people your value even in times of uncertainty.


Listening is the foundation, not just of negotiation, but of everything worthwhile in life. @alexbcarter
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In 10 simple questions, she’ll help you understand what you want, how to ask for it, and — most importantly — how to get it. If you’ve ever thought negotiation was cold or heartless, you *need* to watch this episode. Alexandra teaches with so much love and integrity my heart welled up with emotion during our conversation.

You’ll learn:

2:52 — The “Honeymoon Secret” to slime-free negotiation.
6:08 — The surprising reason you should avoid the word “why” at all costs.
7:49 — The #1 reason women don’t ask for more and how to get past it.
14:01 — The BIGGEST mistake people make when trying to negotiate (and how to stop).
20:29 — 4 magic words that turn any “no” into a “yes.”
29:02 — The 2 big emotions that derail our relationships more than any other.

Remember, asking for what you want is *not* selfish. As Alexandra so wisely said, “When you teach someone how to value you, you teach him how to value all of us.”

Hit play to watch now or listen on The Marie Forleo Podcast.

View Transcript

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

Listen Now

DIVE DEEPER: Bob Burg on how to win people over without manipulation and how to get paid even if asking for money stresses you out.

Now Alexandra and I would love to hear from you. What ahas did you have about negotiation? How can you turn those insights into action right now? Is there an area of your life or a relationship where you want to ask for more?

Leave a comment below and tell us all about it! Thousands of beautiful souls come here each week for insight and motivation, and your story could help someone else have a breakthrough.

Important: share your thoughts and ideas directly in the comments. Links to other posts, videos, etc. will be removed.

Stay rooted in your heart, stay rooted in your humanity and your desire to connect. When you have that, you have everything.

All my love,

XO 

The post Afraid to Ask for More? 10 Questions to Negotiate Anything with Alexandra Carter appeared first on .

Important Post !

By Leo Babauta

When it comes to work, I’ve found that most of us fall in one of two camps:

  1. We work way too hard, constantly churning, never feeling like we got enough done; or
  2. We put off work, going to distractions, feeling guilty about how little we’re getting done.

Either camp results in long working hours. And it drains us. It leaves us feeling depleted, not alive.

There’s no simple solution to this, of course, but I’d like to propose something here, to both camps:

Work less.

Do fewer things.

Be more fully in those fewer things.

Recognize your victories.

Rest more. Play more. Connect more.

Let’s look at this from the perspective of each camp.

And please note: I know that not everyone falls into these camps, and not everyone can change the number of hours they work. Take from this post what might be useful to you, toss out the rest.

The Work Too Hard Camp

This is the camp I’ve been in lately — we try to get everything done. When there are things left undone (there always are), we feel like we haven’t done enough.

We never feel like we’ve done enough. Even when, by all external standards, we’re kicking ass.

So working less seems like an impossible thing … but if you recognize that we’re working too much, then it’s actually an obvious fix.

Working less would mean reducing the number of things we do — which would mean focusing on higher priority tasks.

If you could only work 1 hour today, what would you spend that hour doing? What would you do with the rest of the things on your list?

When we ask ourselves these questions, it might become clear that there are some key items we could spend more of our attention on, and many other tasks we could let go of somehow.

Then, after we’ve reduced the number of things, we can practice being more fully in those things.

Then call it a day — a victorious day, where we got the important things done. 

Now ask yourself this question: if you had 2 hours of free time where you couldn’t work … what would you do with those hours?

Most of us spend free time doing more work. Or going to favorite distractions. But what if we used that time to be fully connected to the people we care about? Or to take care of ourselves, to read, to play, to do nothing?

The Procrastinate Too Much Camp

I was in this group for years. In this camp, we don’t feel that the “work less” philosophy should apply to us, because we already feel we’re not working enough. We feel guilty for all the time we waste.

Well, let’s start by tossing out that guilt. It’s toxic! We heap all kinds of expectations on ourselves, and then beat ourselves up when we fail to meet those made-up expectations. Let’s throw all that out and start fresh.

With a fresh slate … what would you do with your day? What would feel like an absolute victory?

For this camp, “work less” means have fewer hours, but more focused ones. Spend less of it in avoidance and frittering away the time, cut back the number of hours you work, and be fully in those remaining hours.

So if you were only to work 2 hours today … what would you do with those hours? What tasks would be most important to accomplish? What would make this day feel victorious?

Once you’ve identified those tasks, set aside the time, block out the distractions, and pour yourself into them.

It can help to do them in 15-20-minute chunks, with headphones and music, or for longer sessions to do it on a call with someone else who is trying to focus on their meaningful work as well. Help each other focus, celebrate each other’s victories.

If you could work fewer but more focused hours, you’d free up time for true rest. For play, connection, self-care. And perhaps, more than doing the tasks themselves, this would be the true victory.

Important Post !

Puzzle

If you try to tackle a big project and end up getting stuck somewhere along the way, it might mean that some steps are missing.

Imagine trying to complete a difficult, 1,000-piece jigsaw puzzle. Even though it has a thousand pieces, finishing the puzzle requires to complete more than a thousand steps.

You need to spend time sorting, grouping, and looking for edge pieces. You also might have to undo some parts of your work as you go along—which adds more steps, since now you need to override previous tasks that you thought had been completed.

This is all logical enough, but a) it takes time, and b) if you haven’t ever done a large puzzle before, you might get frustrated. You might give up along the way, leaving your puzzle half-finished and sitting on the kitchen table for weeks. Finally, you push the pieces back into the box, swearing off puzzles until the next family holiday gathering or global pandemic.

Maybe the root cause of puzzle neglect could be traced to the beginning: you underestimated the number of steps, as well as the amount of effort that would be required to persevere beyond the easy ones.

Two weeks ago, I asked a question in my newsletter: “Why haven’t you started?”

My theory was that a lot of people (maybe even most of us) have something that we really want to do, but we struggle with making any real progress. The more I investigate this question, the more I believe that the answer is twofold.

First, we struggle in getting started because we don’t really know what the first steps are. Often there are prerequisites, steps you have to complete before the “official” first steps, which effectively means that your list of steps is incomplete. There’s an obvious solution to problem one: we need better lists of steps.

But that’s not all! The other reason we struggle has to do with self-doubt or some other internal obstacle.

In response to my question, a lot of readers said something like this:

  • “I know what to do, I just can’t bring myself to do it.”
  • “I’ve been thinking about it for years, but I still haven’t done anything.”
  • “I failed once, so I’m afraid to try again.”

In these situations, having a better list of steps doesn’t fully solve the problem—or perhaps we could say that step one is “learn to believe in yourself.” This will require some more investigation, so I’ll let you know what I come up with.

Until then, know your steps, and have confidence in yourself. Puzzles are hard for a reason!

P.S. One more thing: in jigsaw puzzles, as well as many other challenging endeavors, some steps are harder than others. Some sections may actually be easy, and even in a hard puzzle, putting in the last few pieces is going to be a lot easier than the ones in the middle.

###

Image: Marcus