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mindfulness

Everyone wants to achieve the same high level of productiveness at work and mindfulness can help you do that. As you know,  there are some days when it seems like motivation is so hard to find. This is something that normally happens if you have been doing the same job for a long time now. But you do not have to worry about that anymore as long as you practice mindfulness. This is one of the strategies that can help you boost your productivity at work.

 What is Mindfulness?

According to Zenfulspirit.com, mindfulness is a concept that was originally introduced by the Buddhists. It is an old idea that is already being adapted in treatment options and in restoring health. Mindfulness simply implies that you have to be mentally present. It teaches the idea that you have to practice being there in the moment where you are. If you want to be effective and productive, do not focus on what has already happened yesterday or on the worries of the future. Here are some other ways on how you can practice mindfulness:

  • Be Consciously Present

It is very tempting to look ahead and think of the future. However, if you need to do something very important, you need to be consciously present. Focus on the work at hand and on what is really happening right now.

  • Utilize Short Mindful Exercises at Work

There are some mindfulness practices that you can do while you are at work. These can help you get into the center of what needs to be done. You can close your eyes for few minutes and meditate. You can also consider some stretches while you inhale and exhale some are. Breathe, focus and do the task with a clear mind.

  • Utilize Mindful Reminders

Always remind yourself whenever you are already losing focus. Put something on your phone screen, on your table and even on your bedside to help you go back to what really matters. Give yourself a few minutes of break whenever you feel overwhelmed. After that, you will certainly be able to refocus.

  •  Work is Stressful, Find Focus

Stress is inevitable. It is part of our everyday life. As long as you are working, you will always encounter stress. The good news is that we can always do something to lessen or deal with it. Find that certain activity that can help you release stress. Maybe have a few minutes of coffee break, take a nap and you will be able to get your focus again.

You need to grow if you want to become successful. Some people feel pressured and stressed because of the fear of growth. Always remember that growth can be painful at some point. Have a positive mind about it and you will certainly see all the good points in what is happening in your life.

 Some Benefits of Mindfulness

Mindfulness is beneficial to you, here are some of the advantages you will be able to enjoy when you practice it:

  • Reduces Your Stress and Depression

If you are a person who is experiencing depression, living in the moment is one of the best ways to deal with what you feel. Do one thing at a time and be in that exact moment where you are in. This will help lessen the feeling of stress and depression.

  • Can Improve Your Attention

It does not matter if you are a student or a working adult, there are moments when paying attention is very hard to do. This is due to the many distractions surrounding us. One of the best ways to improve your attention is to practice some mindful activities such as meditation. You can also look for other ways on how you can relax your mind.

  •  Can even Improve Collaboration

Mindfulness may look like a concept that is related to self-growth. However, your relationship with others can also improve when you focus on improving yourself. If you practice mindfulness at work, it is easier to collaborate with your teammates. As you improve your productivity, you also become a better asset for your team.

  •  Helps in Decision-making

Making decisions, especially those that can have a great impact to your life, is something that must be done seriously. But before you do, make sure that you have a clear mind. If you are experiencing a problem and there is a need to make a big decision about it, make sure that you are free from all your emotions. Becoming rational is one of the benefits of mindfulness. This is something that you can achieve if you are going to practice stopping and focusing on the moment.

Mindfulness is not just beneficial to your job. It can also be one of the best ways on how you can improve your mental health. Focus on what is important and do things one at a time. This is one of the best ways on how you can deal with life in a way that is not overwhelming for you. Your level of productivity is just one of the benefits.

%%focuskw%% | 5 Ways to Boost Your Productivity at Work with Mindfulness

anyone else love method as much as i do

Stop Asking Couples When They Are Having Kids

“So, when are you having kids?” my aunt asked me. At that point, I was 30 and had just been married for a few months. I didn’t even know if I wanted kids, much less when I was having them.

So I simply said, “I have not decided if I want to have kids.” I would spend the next hour listening to stories of women who regretted not having children because they had put it off until it was too late, and women who had difficulty conceiving because they had waited too long or because of their own biological issues, almost told as an implicit way to tell me that I was going to regret it if I didn’t hurry and work on producing kids right away.

This would be my life for the next few years, where I would receive constant, invasive questions surrounding “When are you having kids?” from relatives, friends, and nosy people, followed by a routine, almost ritualistic pressurization to have kids.

If you think that it ends after you have a kid, it doesn’t. The people who had previously told you to have “just one kid” when you were indifferent to the idea, will now tell you to have a second one, along with reasons why you should do so. This repeated questioning and attempt to shape people to fit their expectations seem to never end.

The problem with asking “When are you having kids?”

I understand why people like to ask this question. Find a partner, settle down, get married, and have kids. This is the life path that we’ve been taught to follow since young. This is the life path we’ve been told is the way of life.

This is especially so in the Chinese culture, where having kids is seen as the ultimate goal in life. There are even sayings built around this notion, such as 生儿育女 (shēng ér yù nǚ, which means to birth sons and raise daughters) and 子孙满堂 (zǐ sūn mǎn táng, which means to be in a room filled with children and grandchildren, used to signify the epitome of happiness).

Multi-Generation Chinese Family at the Park

A multi-generation family, often used to depict a vision of happiness in the Chinese culture

So after you get married, people automatically assume that you should have kids. “When are you having kids?” they ask, as if expecting you to give them a straight answer.

The problem with this question is that it’s rude. It’s invasive. It’s also presumptuous.

1) Having kids is not the only path to happiness

To begin with, having kids is a personal and private matter. Whether people want to have kids or not is none of anyone’s business, and people most certainly shouldn’t be opening conversations with “When are you having kids?”, as if the only goal of a person’s life is to have kids. Even if it’s for the intent of having a heart-to-heart, a question like “Do you have any plans for kids?” would be more appropriate.

But in case one needs specific reasons to understand why such a question is invasive, the first thing to understand is that everyone has their own path in life. This path is not always the same for everyone. Some people want kids, while some don’t. Some think that having kids is the greatest joy in life, while some see them as a burden.

Having kids is a lifelong commitment and takes a tremendous amount of work and time. Anyone who has kids, and has raised them by themselves, would understand this. There are significant ups and downs that come with having a kid. For some, the ups do not justify the downs. For these people, it is better to remain childless, rather than have children just to fit society’s mold. To assume that everyone should have kids, just because others think that having kids is great and amazing, is rude and disregards that person’s own preferences in life.

For example, Oprah Winfrey is an inspiring woman and humanitarian who chose not to have kids, and has dedicated herself to her personal purpose of serving the world. Oprah hosted her talk show The Oprah Winfrey Show for 25 years, founded a leadership academy for girls and became a mother figure to the girls in attendance, and started her own television network. These are things that most do not get to do in their lifetime. Through the years, she has inspired millions and become a champion for people worldwide. As she says,

“When people were pressuring me to get married and have children, I knew I was not going to be a person that ever regretted not having them, because I feel like I am a mother to the world’s children. Love knows no boundaries. It doesn’t matter if a child came from your womb or if you found that person at age two, 10, or 20. If the love is real, the caring is pure and it comes from a good space, it works.” — Oprah[1]

Is she not being a responsible or purposeful person (or woman) by choosing not to have kids? Definitely not. In fact, I dare say that she lives a much more purposeful life than many in the world, including people who choose to have kids.

There are many famous celebrities who have chosen not to have kids as well.

  • Chelsea Handler is a talk show host who chose not to have kids. She has said honestly in interviews that she doesn’t have the time to raise a child, and she doesn’t want her kids to be raised by a nanny.[2][3]
  • Betty White is an actress and comedian who chose not to have kids because she’s passionate about her career and she prefers to focus on it.[4]
  • Ashley Judd is an actress and political activist who chose not to have kids because she feels that there are already so many orphaned kids in this world. To her, her resources can be better used to help those who are already here, and I respect her for such a noble choice.[5]

And then there are others, such as Cameron Diaz, Chow Yun Fat, Marisa Tomei, Renée Zellweger, and Rachael Ray. These people choose not to have kids for different reasons, such as because they’re already pursuing paths deeply meaningful to them, because they do not wish to be tied down with a child, or because they just don’t feel a deep desire to have kids.

Not having kids has not prevented these people from being happy in life, and there’s no reason to assume why people must have kids in order to be happy. People need to stop painting the narrative that one must have children in order to be happy. There are plenty of people with kids who are unhappy, and plenty of people without kids who have found inner fulfillment in life through other ways. There is no one path to happiness, and everyone needs to realize that.

2) You may cause hurt and pain

Secondly, you never know what others are going through.

Some people may want kids, but maybe they are facing fertility struggles. For example,

  • Mark Zuckerberg and his wife Priscilla Chan went through three miscarriages before having their firstborn.[6]
  • The Obamas had a miscarriage before they had their daughters via IVF.[7]
  • Friends star Courteney Cox had a total of seven miscarriages before having her daughter, as she has a MTHFR gene mutation which raises the risk of miscarriage-causing blood clots.[8]

About 10% of women have difficulty getting pregnant or staying pregnant,[9] while 13.5% of known pregnancies end in miscarriages, with the figure rising as the maternal age rises.[10]

For some people, the journey to conceive is fraught with deep pain, struggle, and losses as they experience miscarriages, undergo round after round of invasive fertility treatments, and wait in hope of the double blue lines on their pregnancy kit each month.

And then there are people who cannot have their own biological children due to issues with their reproductive system, which could have been there since birth.

Barack Obama, Michelle Obama, and family

Barack and Michelle Obama had a miscarriage before they had their daughters via IVF

While you may be think that you’re being helpful or funny by asking people when they’re having kids, your question may well trigger hurt and pain. As Zuckerberg said,

“You feel so hopeful when you learn you’re going to have a child. You start imagining who they’ll become and dreaming of hopes for their future. You start making plans, and then they’re gone. It’s a lonely experience.”[6]

3) Not everyone is in a place to have kids

Thirdly, having kids is simply not a reality for some people due to their circumstances in life.

Some people may lack the financial resources to have kids, a reality in a place like Singapore.

Some people may be facing problems with their marriage, in which case their priority should be to work on their marriage, not to have kids.

Some people may be so burdened with caring for their dependents that they are unable to consider kids, at least not at the moment.

And then there are people facing chronic health issues, issues that you don’t know and can’t see, which make pregnancy difficult due to the toll it would take on their body.

4) Some people could still be thinking

And then there are people who are neutral to the idea of having kids, like myself when I just got married. These people need time to think it through, because having kids is a permanent, lifelong decision with serious consequences. There’s no reason to assume that having a kid should be an automatic decision, because you’re bringing a whole new life into this world. This is a decision that will change your life forever, as well as the life of the child you’re bringing into the world. I personally think one of the worst things someone could do is to simply have kids for the sake of it, and then afterward give their child sub-standard care, something which I feel many people do.

For those yet to have kids, they need the space to figure out what they want, not have people breathe down their neck day in and out about having kids.

My experience

For the initial years after I got married, I wasn’t thinking about kids. Firstly, having a child is a lifelong decision, and I wanted to enjoy married life before diving into a decision as serious as that. Secondly, my husband and I were happy spending our lives with just each other — we didn’t feel the need to have kids, not in the way my culture obsesses about it. Thirdly, my husband was dealing with some personal problems and I was fully focused on supporting him through these. These were issues that we needed to sort through before considering kids, if we were to want kids.

Yet I kept getting nudges to have kids, even though I never said anything about wanting them.

“So, when are you having kids?”

“This person’s baby is so cute, isn’t it? Why don’t you hurry up and birth a baby?”

It was as if I was some vehicle, some production machine to have kids, where my own views in the matter didn’t matter. The most frustrating thing was that I kept getting this question, while my husband would never get it (as a man), not even when we were in the same room together.

It was as if my sole reason for existence as a woman was to have kids, and until I had them, I was regarded as unworthy or incomplete.

The decision to have kids

Yet the decision to have children is a personal one. It is also a complex one. It is a decision that will permanently change the lives of the couple.

It is not a decision that one should be pressurized into making because their mom wants to carry grandchildren or their aunt wants to play with kids. It’s a decision that a couple should make because they genuinely want to nurture another life.

Because when a child is born, the people bugging others to have kids aren’t the ones who will be caring for the baby 24/7, whose lives will be set back by years (even decades) as they care for a new life, or who will be responsible for every decision concerning the child for the next 18-21 years.

It will be the couple.

And the people who aren’t ready, who were pressured into having kids because they were told that it was the best thing to do, may have to deal with regret as they are stuck with a decision they cannot undo. Because there are people who regret having kids, and we need to be honest about that. These people regret, not because of the child’s fault, but because they were simply not ready to have kids, be it financially, emotionally, or mentally. Unfortunately, the children are the ones who eventually suffer, from living in dysfunctional households to dealing with issues of violenceabuse, and anger.

We need to recognize these realities, and not make parenthood seem like it’s some magical band-aid that solves a lack of purpose or life’s pressures. Things don’t magically get better because people have kids; existing problems usually worsen as having a child puts a big strain on a couple’s lives. Digging into people’s plans to have kids, and pressurizing them into one of the biggest life decisions they can ever make, will only stress them out and perhaps push some into depression. As this redditor shared,

“I have a friend who went through 6 years of miscarriages and fertility treatments before the doctors figured out the problem and she had her son. The nosy ladies at her work and her in-laws questioned her constantly. The depression from that made it harder for her to conceive.”

Stop asking couples when they’re having kids

So, if you like to ask others when they’re having kids, it’s time to stop that. It’s rude, insensitive, and it disregards people’s privacy. It’s also none of your business.

The reality is that if people want kids, they will work on having kids. They don’t need you to prod them.

If they don’t have kids, it’s either because

  1. they don’t want kids,
  2. they have not thought about having kids but they don’t need you to prod them,
  3. they are not in a position to consider kids right now, or
  4. they want kids but they are facing some struggles.

For people in group (d), they aren’t going to share such deeply personal experience over some afternoon coffee chat, and certainly not by you asking, “When are you having kids?”

The best thing you can do is to give people space. Understand that having kids is a personal decision, and people don’t have to share or explain anything. Respect that others have their right to privacy. Respect that people are individuals on their own path, and this path may not involve having kids. And this doesn’t make them incomplete or lesser in any way.

Instead of asking people “When are you having kids?”, talk to them like you would to a normal person. There’s no reason why conversations should suddenly revolve around childbearing after marriage; it’s not like a person’s identity changes to revolve around having kids. A person still has their own passion, goals, and dreams. Talk to them about what they’ve been doing. Understand their interests. Know them as a real person, not some random being here to fulfill society’s checklist.

If you’re really interested in someone’s plan to have children, like I mentioned in the beginning, you can simply ask, “Do you have any plans for kids?” If they wish to share more, they will do so. If they give a half-hearted or evasive answer, then take the hint and move on.

Ultimately, having kids or not doesn’t change one’s self-worth. A woman is complete with or without kids. A marriage doesn’t need kids to be deemed complete. Having kids should be a conscious choice, not a result of external pressure. Don’t judge people by whether they have kids or not. Some people will have kids, and some people will not have kids. Some will have kids early, while some will have them later in life. All of these are different paths and there’s nothing wrong with them.

For Me

My husband and I eventually decided to have a baby and gave birth to our beloved baby girl. Yet other people’s comments and nudges to have children didn’t make me want to have children; it only made me want to avoid these people, because having a child is a personal decision between me and my husband and has nothing to do with them. It was after we settled down and enjoyed married life without kids, and took time to actively pursue our goals and interests, that we finally felt ready to try for a kid.

In the meantime, I hope all of you are doing well. There are other things that I’m working on, other things that are happening that I look forward to sharing in time to come. Sending lots of love to you, and remember that whatever life challenge you’re facing, you have it in you to overcome it. I’ll talk to you guys soon! 🙂

Anything about mindset is so important

How are you supposed to be confident about something when you have nothing to feel confident about?

Like, how are you supposed to be confident at your new job if you’ve never done this type of work before? Or how are you supposed to be confident in social situations when no one has ever liked you before? Or how are you supposed to be confident in your relationship when you’ve never been in a successful relationship before?

On the surface, confidence appears to be an area where the rich get richer and the poor stay the fucking losers they are. After all, if you’ve never experienced much social acceptance, and you lack confidence around new people, then that lack of confidence will make people think you’re clingy and weird and not accept you.

Same deal goes for relationships. No confidence in intimacy will lead to bad breakups and awkward phone calls and emergency Ben and Jerry’s runs at three in the morning.

And seriously, how are you supposed to be confident in your work experience when previous experience is required to even be considered for a job in the first place?

The Confidence Conundrum

If you’ve always lost in life, then how could you ever expect to be a winner? And if you never expect to be a winner, then you’re going to act like a loser. Thus the cycle of suckage continues.

This is the confidence conundrum, where in order to be happy or loved or successful, first you need to be confident… but to be confident, first you need to be happy or loved or successful.

So it seems like you’re stuck in one of two loops: either you’re already in a happy and confident loop, like this.

Or you’re in a loser loop, like this.

And if you’re in the loser loop, well it seems damn near impossible to get out.

It’s like a dog chasing its own tail. Or Domino’s ordering its own pizza. You can spend a lot of time cuticle-gazing trying to mentally sort everything out, but just like with your lack of confidence, you’re likely to end up right back where you started.

But maybe we’re going about this all wrong. Maybe the confidence conundrum isn’t really a conundrum at all.

If we pay close attention, we can learn a few things about confidence just by observing people. So before you run off and order that pizza, let’s break this down:

  1. Just because somebody has something (tons of friends, a million dollars, a bitchin’ beach body) doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is confident in it. There are business tycoons who totally lack confidence in their own wealth, models who lack confidence in their looks, and celebrities who lack confidence in their own popularity. So I think the first thing we can establish is that confidence is not necessarily linked to any external marker. Rather, our confidence is rooted in our perception of ourselves regardless of any tangible external reality.
  2. Because our confidence is not necessarily linked to any external, tangible measurement, we can conclude that improving the external, tangible aspects of our lives won’t necessarily build confidence. Chances are that if you’ve lived more than a couple of decades, you’ve experienced this in some form or another. Getting a promotion at your job doesn’t necessarily make you more confident in your professional abilities. In fact, it can often make you feel less confident. Dating and/or sleeping with more people doesn’t necessarily make you feel more confident about how attractive you are. Moving in with your partner or getting married doesn’t necessarily make you feel any more confident in your relationship.
  3. Confidence is a feeling. An emotional state and a state of mind. It’s the perception that you lack nothing. That you are equipped with everything you need, both now and for the future. A person confident in their social life will feel as though they lack nothing in their social life. A person with no confidence in their social life believes that they lack the prerequisite coolness to be invited to anyone’s pizza party. It’s this perception of lacking something that drives their needy, clingy, and/or bitchy behavior.

How to Be More Confident

The obvious and most common answer to the confidence conundrum is to simply believe that you lack nothing. That you already have, or at least deserve, whatever you feel you would need to make you confident.

But this sort of thinking—believing you’re already beautiful even though you’re a frumpy slob, or believing you’re a raving success even though your only profitable business venture was selling weed in high school—leads to the kind of insufferable narcissism that causes people to argue that obesity (something that is more detrimental to your health than smoking cigarettes) should be celebrated as beauty and that it’s, like, totally OK to carve your name into the Roman Colosseum, because, you know, selfies.

A lot of people soon realize this doesn’t work and so they take a different approach: incremental, external improvement.

They read articles that tell them the top 50 things confident people do, and then they try to do those things.

They start to exercise, dress better, make more eye contact, and practice firmer handshakes.

This is admittedly a step above simply believing that you’re already confident and that you don’t belong in the loser loop. After all, at least you’re doing something about your lack of confidence. And actually, it will work—but only for a little while.

Again, this type of thinking only focuses on external sources of confidence. And remember, deriving your self-confidence from the world around you is short-lived at its best and completely fucking delusional at its worst.

So no, external improvement is not a sustainable solution to the confidence conundrum. And feeling as though you lack nothing and deluding yourself into believing you already possess everything you could ever dream of is far worse.

Read that again.

The big charade with confidence is that it has nothing to do with being comfortable in what we achieve and everything to do with being comfortable in what we don’t achieve.

People who are confident in business are confident because they’re comfortable with failure. They realize that failure is simply part of learning how their market works. It’s a reflection of their lack of knowledge, not a reflection of who they are as a person.

People who are confident in their social lives are confident because they’re comfortable with rejection. They’re not afraid of rejection because they’re comfortable with people not liking them as long as they’re expressing themselves honestly.

People who are confident in their relationships are confident because they’re comfortable with getting hurt. They’re not afraid to be vulnerable and tell someone how they feel and then establish strong boundaries around those feelings, even if it means being uncomfortable (or leaving a bad relationship).

Building Confidence Through Failure

The truth is that the route to the positive runs through the negative. Those among us who are the most comfortable with negative experiences are those who reap the most benefits.

It’s counterintuitive, but it’s also true. We often worry that if we become comfortable in our failures—that if we accept failure as an inevitable part of living—that we will become failures.

But it doesn’t work that way.

Comfort in our failures allows us to act without fear, to engage without judgment, to love without conditions. It’s the dog that lets the tail go, realizing that it’s already a part of himself. It’s the Domino’s that cancels its own order, realizing it already has the pizza it wanted. Or something.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to publish this article comfortable with the fact that some people will probably hate it. And eat my pizza.

who else really gets this ?

%%sitename%% | The Self-Improvement Blog | Self-Esteem | Self Confidence

personal growth

Drug and alcohol addiction is a serious problem both for those suffering and for the community. With the alcohol and drug trade growing, more people are getting addicted every day. For most people, addiction is a problem that doesn’t go away without personal growth and control.

For those new to rehab, a common misconception is that recovery is about abstinence. Sadly, the idea that going through withdrawal to achieve results is a fairytale. Without acceptance and self-improvement, complete recovery is less likely.

To get over your addiction, you need a brand-new relationship with yourself. Only when you come to terms with your lifestyle do you get the active push to grow.

Achieve Personal Growth After Addiction Recovery

If you’re looking to take that first step, then keep on reading. Down below we have a guide to supplement your recovery for the better.

Substance Denial and Detoxification

Personal growth starts along with alcohol and drug recovery. This is because choosing to go through recovery is a form of acceptance.

Detoxification and staying away from substances is a challenge of will. When you can resist the temptation to give in, you are making a commitment to start better.

Detoxification is the process of taking harmful substances out of your body. This is important since these substances alter your mental state and sensory perception.

This is because your body will feel uncomfortable during withdrawal. Your body has become too accustomed to the substances being present in the system.

At this point, the urge to give in will grow unbearable. This makes it necessary that you have professional help in a rehab center. They have trained personnel that can help you through the process.

Personal growth comes following this huge first step. As you make this commitment, you’re promising yourself and everyone around you, “No More”.

One of the more common struggles you will deal with is restoring body functions. More importantly, the idea of sticking to a rehabilitation program. Growth has just begun, and you don’t want to mistake detoxification as the only step.

Going Through Rehabilitation

After the detoxification process is the rehabilitation process. The easiest way to describe the rehab process is therapy for substance use. It isn’t enough that your body is clean, your behavior must also adapt.

This begins with sessions meant to diagnose your previous substance abuse. The goal of this is to discover what led you to use these substances. By identifying that cause, a personal coach can help you overcome your urges.

This is often done on two levels to analyze your substance abuse, mental and habitual. The mental level seeks to understand why you take harmful substances. The habitual level checks on what situations push you into taking these and how to avoid them.

Growth is important in this process because it is a time of discovery. The process needs a great deal of maturity from patients so that these sessions stick and make an impact. Without maturity and commitment, patients are likely to relapse back into substance abuse.

Continuing Personal Growth Recovery

As you exit the rehabilitation process, you will feel more confident about quitting. Now, you must make an active choice every day to continue this process. This is best done by understanding and processing your feelings.

As substances are a way to escape the outside world, you must deal with them by confronting your reality. What’s important here is to act honestly with yourself and to accept who you are. This acceptance is necessary for the next stage of recovery.

Before you reach that next stage, there are a couple of things you need to consider. Personal growth and challenges are multi-dimensional, after all. If you realize these things, you develop into a better person.

First amongst these ideas is the fact that growth takes some time. As that is the case, there is no right or wrong timeline to get things into order. Take as much time as you need to reflect and come to terms with who you are.

Secondly, recovery is a continuous process. If you have relapses, what matters is that you keep on trying. At the point that you stop and give in, you waste all the progress you have made.

Preventing Relapse

If you are afraid of failing, then you must remember that what you are doing is a journey. A journey isn’t something that will collapse suddenly. Rather, failure comes because you stop your journey entirely.

Keeping clean is a condition to maintain, and it’s often a struggle for everyone. What is important is that you realize when you are failing certain goals. Recognizing these small failures helps you correct yourself, preventing you from repeating them later on.

It’s also important to note that your growth happens through the many steps you take. If you slip up, understand what you had to go through to get this far. Remembering this is a great form of self improvement that helps you grow better as a person independent from substances.

The Importance of Goals

If you think that your growth is heading nowhere, then start setting goals. By setting goals for yourself, you get a standard to measure your growth. More importantly, you also use these standards to mark how far you’ve come.

Furthermore, it’s important to keep a structure for your life through these goals. This structure manifests through a routine in your pursuit of goals. It’s a great way to ensure you align with goals as you grow.

If you feel daunted regarding goals in personal growth, don’t worry. Small steps in the right direction are still counted as growth. What matters is keeping momentum to move to a better place in life.

Important Support Groups

One of the best ways to keep on the path to growth is through life coaching and support groups. As a recovering addict, it may feel difficult to bond with other people due to your problems. Those should not stop you from connecting with others, though.

In fact, some of the best people to connect with are those going through the same struggles. As you know what the struggle is and how hard it is, you can find companionship and understanding. Growth in this case is better developed as a social factor is now involved.

By connecting with people, you encourage yourself to open and normalize growth. The key point here is that you can empathize with each other and provide help. This is possible through groups that check on each other and provide support.

Also, type of companionship comes with a lot of benefits. The sharing of knowledge on how to best keep growing is invaluable. Once you join the movement of self-improvement, you can grow and help others.

Healthy Habits and Hobbies

Another way to keep adding fuel to your growth is through healthy habits and hobbies. Examples of this include choosing to volunteer and help others in need. It can also be as simple as sticking to a fitness routine to keep yourself healthy.

In this instance, growth is about the choices you take. By choosing practices that benefit you, you are taking an active choice to be better. This makes it more likely that you stay away from harmful substances.

The idea here is to create a new personality and character for yourself as a person. This new person will have a lifestyle different from who you were before. Also, it also gives you more incentive to stick to your goals.

If you can, consider giving to others in need and practice your altruism. Aside from self-care, you also learn to appreciate the care you receive from others. Sharing that care forward helps you realize that you can do good.

Enjoy Life

Finally, one of the best ways to keep your personal growth and recovery is through appreciating life. If you only focus on growth, you won’t realize your progress. Enjoying how far you’ve come is important as it gives you a perspective on your progress.

Once you enjoy life, you realize how amazing it is without reliance on alcohol and substances. Learning to appreciate things around you tells you what you must live for. It tells you that you are a person with the ability to grow and start anew.

Recover Through Personal Growth Today

Recovery isn’t linear and is often a continuous struggle to stay clean. With personal growth, life coaching, and other habits, all this recovery is achievable. What matters is how committed you are to seeing through your growth for the better.

Do you want to learn more about life management and how to live substance-free? Check out more of our guides! We have tons of posts that can help you lead a clean, healthy lifestyle!

%%focuskw%% | How to Achieve Personal Growth After Addiction Recovery

anyone love method as much as i do

The Opportunity in Adversity

By Eckhart Tolle

Life unfolds between the polarities of order and chaos. It is important at this time to recognize these two fundamental opposites, without which the world could not even be. Another word for disorder is “adversity.” When it becomes more extreme, we might call it “chaos.”

We would prefer, of course, to have order in our lives, which means to have things going well. We would like relative harmony in our lives. Yet, that very often is marred by the eruption of some form of disorder. And, usually, we resent that—we get angry, or despondent, or sad.

Disorder comes in many, many forms, big and small. When disorder comes it usually creates a kind of havoc in our lives, accompanied by strong underlying beliefs. “There’s something very wrong, this should not be happening, maybe God is against me,” and so on. Again, we need to understand that disorder, or adversity, is inevitable and is an essential part of a higher order.

 From a higher perspective, a higher level, the existence of order and disorder, or order and chaos, is a necessary part of the evolution of life.

 Many people have found that they experience a deepening, or a deeper sense of self or beingness, immediately after and as a result of having endured a period of disorder or chaos. This is sometimes called “the dark night of the soul,” a term from medieval Christianity used to describe the mental breakdown that many mystics experienced prior to awakening spiritually. There was an eruption of disorder, of destruction. Then, out of that, a deeper realization arose.

 And although that can be very painful, the strange thing is, it’s precisely there that many humans experience a transcendence. A strange fact is that it almost never happens that people awaken spiritually while they’re in their comfort zone. Or that they become deeper as human beings, which would be a partial awakening. It almost never happens. The place where the evolutionary shift happens, or the evolutionary leap, is usually the experience of disorder in a person’s life.

And so your life then moves between order and disorder. You have both, and they’re both necessary. There’s no guarantee that when disorder erupts this will bring about an awakening or a deepening, but there’s always the possibility. It is an opportunity, but often, it is missed.

 So here we are at this time, and our mission is the same: to align with the present moment, with whatever is happening here and now. The upheaval that we’re experiencing at the present time probably will not be the last upheaval that’s going to come on a collective level. However, it is an opportunity—because although this is a time for upheavals, it is also a time for awakening. The two go together. Just as in an individual life, you need adversity to awaken. It’s an opportunity but not a guarantee. And so what looks tragic and unpleasant on a conventional level is actually perfectly fine and as it should be on a higher level; it would not be happening otherwise. It’s all part of the awakening of human beings and of planetary awakening.

To learn more about Eckhart’s teachings on Conscious Manifestation, click here.

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The post The Opportunity in Adversity appeared first on Eckhart Tolle | Official Site – Spiritual Teachings and Tools For Personal Growth and Happiness.

Nice info thanks I really love method

How are you supposed to be confident about something when you have nothing to feel confident about?

Like, how are you supposed to be confident at your new job if you’ve never done this type of work before? Or how are you supposed to be confident in social situations when no one has ever liked you before? Or how are you supposed to be confident in your relationship when you’ve never been in a successful relationship before?

On the surface, confidence appears to be an area where the rich get richer and the poor stay the fucking losers they are. After all, if you’ve never experienced much social acceptance, and you lack confidence around new people, then that lack of confidence will make people think you’re clingy and weird and not accept you.

Same deal goes for relationships. No confidence in intimacy will lead to bad breakups and awkward phone calls and emergency Ben and Jerry’s runs at three in the morning.

And seriously, how are you supposed to be confident in your work experience when previous experience is required to even be considered for a job in the first place?

The Confidence Conundrum

If you’ve always lost in life, then how could you ever expect to be a winner? And if you never expect to be a winner, then you’re going to act like a loser. Thus the cycle of suckage continues.

This is the confidence conundrum, where in order to be happy or loved or successful, first you need to be confident… but to be confident, first you need to be happy or loved or successful.

So it seems like you’re stuck in one of two loops: either you’re already in a happy and confident loop, like this.

Or you’re in a loser loop, like this.

And if you’re in the loser loop, well it seems damn near impossible to get out.

It’s like a dog chasing its own tail. Or Domino’s ordering its own pizza. You can spend a lot of time cuticle-gazing trying to mentally sort everything out, but just like with your lack of confidence, you’re likely to end up right back where you started.

But maybe we’re going about this all wrong. Maybe the confidence conundrum isn’t really a conundrum at all.

If we pay close attention, we can learn a few things about confidence just by observing people. So before you run off and order that pizza, let’s break this down:

  1. Just because somebody has something (tons of friends, a million dollars, a bitchin’ beach body) doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is confident in it. There are business tycoons who totally lack confidence in their own wealth, models who lack confidence in their looks, and celebrities who lack confidence in their own popularity. So I think the first thing we can establish is that confidence is not necessarily linked to any external marker. Rather, our confidence is rooted in our perception of ourselves regardless of any tangible external reality.
  2. Because our confidence is not necessarily linked to any external, tangible measurement, we can conclude that improving the external, tangible aspects of our lives won’t necessarily build confidence. Chances are that if you’ve lived more than a couple of decades, you’ve experienced this in some form or another. Getting a promotion at your job doesn’t necessarily make you more confident in your professional abilities. In fact, it can often make you feel less confident. Dating and/or sleeping with more people doesn’t necessarily make you feel more confident about how attractive you are. Moving in with your partner or getting married doesn’t necessarily make you feel any more confident in your relationship.
  3. Confidence is a feeling. An emotional state and a state of mind. It’s the perception that you lack nothing. That you are equipped with everything you need, both now and for the future. A person confident in their social life will feel as though they lack nothing in their social life. A person with no confidence in their social life believes that they lack the prerequisite coolness to be invited to anyone’s pizza party. It’s this perception of lacking something that drives their needy, clingy, and/or bitchy behavior.

How to Be More Confident

The obvious and most common answer to the confidence conundrum is to simply believe that you lack nothing. That you already have, or at least deserve, whatever you feel you would need to make you confident.

But this sort of thinking—believing you’re already beautiful even though you’re a frumpy slob, or believing you’re a raving success even though your only profitable business venture was selling weed in high school—leads to the kind of insufferable narcissism that causes people to argue that obesity (something that is more detrimental to your health than smoking cigarettes) should be celebrated as beauty and that it’s, like, totally OK to carve your name into the Roman Colosseum, because, you know, selfies.

A lot of people soon realize this doesn’t work and so they take a different approach: incremental, external improvement.

They read articles that tell them the top 50 things confident people do, and then they try to do those things.

They start to exercise, dress better, make more eye contact, and practice firmer handshakes.

This is admittedly a step above simply believing that you’re already confident and that you don’t belong in the loser loop. After all, at least you’re doing something about your lack of confidence. And actually, it will work—but only for a little while.

Again, this type of thinking only focuses on external sources of confidence. And remember, deriving your self-confidence from the world around you is short-lived at its best and completely fucking delusional at its worst.

So no, external improvement is not a sustainable solution to the confidence conundrum. And feeling as though you lack nothing and deluding yourself into believing you already possess everything you could ever dream of is far worse.

Read that again.

The big charade with confidence is that it has nothing to do with being comfortable in what we achieve and everything to do with being comfortable in what we don’t achieve.

People who are confident in business are confident because they’re comfortable with failure. They realize that failure is simply part of learning how their market works. It’s a reflection of their lack of knowledge, not a reflection of who they are as a person.

People who are confident in their social lives are confident because they’re comfortable with rejection. They’re not afraid of rejection because they’re comfortable with people not liking them as long as they’re expressing themselves honestly.

People who are confident in their relationships are confident because they’re comfortable with getting hurt. They’re not afraid to be vulnerable and tell someone how they feel and then establish strong boundaries around those feelings, even if it means being uncomfortable (or leaving a bad relationship).

Building Confidence Through Failure

The truth is that the route to the positive runs through the negative. Those among us who are the most comfortable with negative experiences are those who reap the most benefits.

It’s counterintuitive, but it’s also true. We often worry that if we become comfortable in our failures—that if we accept failure as an inevitable part of living—that we will become failures.

But it doesn’t work that way.

Comfort in our failures allows us to act without fear, to engage without judgment, to love without conditions. It’s the dog that lets the tail go, realizing that it’s already a part of himself. It’s the Domino’s that cancels its own order, realizing it already has the pizza it wanted. Or something.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to publish this article comfortable with the fact that some people will probably hate it. And eat my pizza.

anyone else like method as much as i do

By Leo Babauta

When life is shaking us up and we’re feeling stressed … it can be tough to feel resilient.

Resilience helps us to deal with the chaos and overwhelm … but how to we create it when we feel like we’re underwater?

The first step is to remove things that are adding unnecessary stress. The second step is to do things that help us feel replenished.

Those two steps won’t get us all the way to full resilience, but they’re a huge huge start.

Remove Extra Stress

Some stress is inevitable — wishing for a life where we feel zero stress is just going to add more stress.

But if we are flooded with stress, removing some of it can help us to clear the space to create even more resilience. If we don’t remove the extra stress, we’ll never do the things we need to take care of ourselves, or to train our minds to be more resilient.

So removing unnecessary stress is the first step.

Some examples:

  • If you’re drinking a lot, reduce down to 1-2 glasses of wine a night. Zero might be even better for some, but it’s useless to ask someone to quit alcohol when they’re flooded with stress.
  • Similarly, reducing smoking or other narcotics or drugs would be a big help.
  • If you’re working late into the night, creating a stopping point earlier would be a big help, if possible.
  • Cut back on your workload a bit, if you’re able to.
  • Stop saying yes to everything, and take fewer meetings.
  • If you’re fighting a lot with someone, refrain for a bit. Take a breather and let yourself settle.
  • If you’re watching things or playing games late into the night and getting little sleep, cut back on that.
  • If you’re watching news or reading things online that really get you angry, stop that for awhile.
  • Cut out social media if that gets you anxious.

And so on.

Removing these stressors will help you catch your breath.

Then Replenish Yourself

I don’t mean that you have to take a spa weekend (though that would be great!) … I mean doing little things that help you feel more recharged and settled.

These things fill you up, so that you can better take on the world.

For example:

  • Go for walks out in nature.
  • Create space for reading, having tea, taking a bath, journaling.
  • Talk with someone regularly, in person or over the phone.
  • Take naps.
  • Get better sleep.
  • Take a weekend off.
  • Get some sunshine, if there’s any where you are.
  • Take moments of stillness and deep breathing during your day.

These little things can make a huge difference.

You won’t get all the way to resilience with these two steps — but you’ll have given yourself what you need to take the further steps of shifting your thinking patterns and practicing resilience.

The post First Two Steps to Creating Resilience appeared first on zen habits.

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Is it healthy to enjoy being alone?  No matter how many friends you’ve made or how well you get along with family, you’re just one of those people who prefer to be alone.  And you feel perfectly healthy. You’re content. But were you always this way? And if not, what reasons for your solitary nature …

Read MoreI Like Being Alone: 15 Reasons You Like Your Own Company Best

The post I Like Being Alone: 15 Reasons You Like Your Own Company Best appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.