anyone else like method as much as i do

By Leo Babauta

When life is shaking us up and we’re feeling stressed … it can be tough to feel resilient.

Resilience helps us to deal with the chaos and overwhelm … but how to we create it when we feel like we’re underwater?

The first step is to remove things that are adding unnecessary stress. The second step is to do things that help us feel replenished.

Those two steps won’t get us all the way to full resilience, but they’re a huge huge start.

Remove Extra Stress

Some stress is inevitable — wishing for a life where we feel zero stress is just going to add more stress.

But if we are flooded with stress, removing some of it can help us to clear the space to create even more resilience. If we don’t remove the extra stress, we’ll never do the things we need to take care of ourselves, or to train our minds to be more resilient.

So removing unnecessary stress is the first step.

Some examples:

  • If you’re drinking a lot, reduce down to 1-2 glasses of wine a night. Zero might be even better for some, but it’s useless to ask someone to quit alcohol when they’re flooded with stress.
  • Similarly, reducing smoking or other narcotics or drugs would be a big help.
  • If you’re working late into the night, creating a stopping point earlier would be a big help, if possible.
  • Cut back on your workload a bit, if you’re able to.
  • Stop saying yes to everything, and take fewer meetings.
  • If you’re fighting a lot with someone, refrain for a bit. Take a breather and let yourself settle.
  • If you’re watching things or playing games late into the night and getting little sleep, cut back on that.
  • If you’re watching news or reading things online that really get you angry, stop that for awhile.
  • Cut out social media if that gets you anxious.

And so on.

Removing these stressors will help you catch your breath.

Then Replenish Yourself

I don’t mean that you have to take a spa weekend (though that would be great!) … I mean doing little things that help you feel more recharged and settled.

These things fill you up, so that you can better take on the world.

For example:

  • Go for walks out in nature.
  • Create space for reading, having tea, taking a bath, journaling.
  • Talk with someone regularly, in person or over the phone.
  • Take naps.
  • Get better sleep.
  • Take a weekend off.
  • Get some sunshine, if there’s any where you are.
  • Take moments of stillness and deep breathing during your day.

These little things can make a huge difference.

You won’t get all the way to resilience with these two steps — but you’ll have given yourself what you need to take the further steps of shifting your thinking patterns and practicing resilience.

The post First Two Steps to Creating Resilience appeared first on zen habits.

anyone else love this post as much as me

Is it healthy to enjoy being alone?  No matter how many friends you’ve made or how well you get along with family, you’re just one of those people who prefer to be alone.  And you feel perfectly healthy. You’re content. But were you always this way? And if not, what reasons for your solitary nature …

Read MoreI Like Being Alone: 15 Reasons You Like Your Own Company Best

The post I Like Being Alone: 15 Reasons You Like Your Own Company Best appeared first on Live Bold and Bloom.

Interesting info really great

How are you supposed to be confident about something when you have nothing to feel confident about?

Like, how are you supposed to be confident at your new job if you’ve never done this type of work before? Or how are you supposed to be confident in social situations when no one has ever liked you before? Or how are you supposed to be confident in your relationship when you’ve never been in a successful relationship before?

On the surface, confidence appears to be an area where the rich get richer and the poor stay the fucking losers they are. After all, if you’ve never experienced much social acceptance, and you lack confidence around new people, then that lack of confidence will make people think you’re clingy and weird and not accept you.

Same deal goes for relationships. No confidence in intimacy will lead to bad breakups and awkward phone calls and emergency Ben and Jerry’s runs at three in the morning.

And seriously, how are you supposed to be confident in your work experience when previous experience is required to even be considered for a job in the first place?

The Confidence Conundrum

If you’ve always lost in life, then how could you ever expect to be a winner? And if you never expect to be a winner, then you’re going to act like a loser. Thus the cycle of suckage continues.

This is the confidence conundrum, where in order to be happy or loved or successful, first you need to be confident… but to be confident, first you need to be happy or loved or successful.

So it seems like you’re stuck in one of two loops: either you’re already in a happy and confident loop, like this.

Or you’re in a loser loop, like this.

And if you’re in the loser loop, well it seems damn near impossible to get out.

It’s like a dog chasing its own tail. Or Domino’s ordering its own pizza. You can spend a lot of time cuticle-gazing trying to mentally sort everything out, but just like with your lack of confidence, you’re likely to end up right back where you started.

But maybe we’re going about this all wrong. Maybe the confidence conundrum isn’t really a conundrum at all.

If we pay close attention, we can learn a few things about confidence just by observing people. So before you run off and order that pizza, let’s break this down:

  1. Just because somebody has something (tons of friends, a million dollars, a bitchin’ beach body) doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is confident in it. There are business tycoons who totally lack confidence in their own wealth, models who lack confidence in their looks, and celebrities who lack confidence in their own popularity. So I think the first thing we can establish is that confidence is not necessarily linked to any external marker. Rather, our confidence is rooted in our perception of ourselves regardless of any tangible external reality.
  2. Because our confidence is not necessarily linked to any external, tangible measurement, we can conclude that improving the external, tangible aspects of our lives won’t necessarily build confidence. Chances are that if you’ve lived more than a couple of decades, you’ve experienced this in some form or another. Getting a promotion at your job doesn’t necessarily make you more confident in your professional abilities. In fact, it can often make you feel less confident. Dating and/or sleeping with more people doesn’t necessarily make you feel more confident about how attractive you are. Moving in with your partner or getting married doesn’t necessarily make you feel any more confident in your relationship.
  3. Confidence is a feeling. An emotional state and a state of mind. It’s the perception that you lack nothing. That you are equipped with everything you need, both now and for the future. A person confident in their social life will feel as though they lack nothing in their social life. A person with no confidence in their social life believes that they lack the prerequisite coolness to be invited to anyone’s pizza party. It’s this perception of lacking something that drives their needy, clingy, and/or bitchy behavior.

How to Be More Confident

The obvious and most common answer to the confidence conundrum is to simply believe that you lack nothing. That you already have, or at least deserve, whatever you feel you would need to make you confident.

But this sort of thinking—believing you’re already beautiful even though you’re a frumpy slob, or believing you’re a raving success even though your only profitable business venture was selling weed in high school—leads to the kind of insufferable narcissism that causes people to argue that obesity (something that is more detrimental to your health than smoking cigarettes) should be celebrated as beauty and that it’s, like, totally OK to carve your name into the Roman Colosseum, because, you know, selfies.

A lot of people soon realize this doesn’t work and so they take a different approach: incremental, external improvement.

They read articles that tell them the top 50 things confident people do, and then they try to do those things.

They start to exercise, dress better, make more eye contact, and practice firmer handshakes.

This is admittedly a step above simply believing that you’re already confident and that you don’t belong in the loser loop. After all, at least you’re doing something about your lack of confidence. And actually, it will work—but only for a little while.

Again, this type of thinking only focuses on external sources of confidence. And remember, deriving your self-confidence from the world around you is short-lived at its best and completely fucking delusional at its worst.

So no, external improvement is not a sustainable solution to the confidence conundrum. And feeling as though you lack nothing and deluding yourself into believing you already possess everything you could ever dream of is far worse.

Read that again.

The big charade with confidence is that it has nothing to do with being comfortable in what we achieve and everything to do with being comfortable in what we don’t achieve.

People who are confident in business are confident because they’re comfortable with failure. They realize that failure is simply part of learning how their market works. It’s a reflection of their lack of knowledge, not a reflection of who they are as a person.

People who are confident in their social lives are confident because they’re comfortable with rejection. They’re not afraid of rejection because they’re comfortable with people not liking them as long as they’re expressing themselves honestly.

People who are confident in their relationships are confident because they’re comfortable with getting hurt. They’re not afraid to be vulnerable and tell someone how they feel and then establish strong boundaries around those feelings, even if it means being uncomfortable (or leaving a bad relationship).

Building Confidence Through Failure

The truth is that the route to the positive runs through the negative. Those among us who are the most comfortable with negative experiences are those who reap the most benefits.

It’s counterintuitive, but it’s also true. We often worry that if we become comfortable in our failures—that if we accept failure as an inevitable part of living—that we will become failures.

But it doesn’t work that way.

Comfort in our failures allows us to act without fear, to engage without judgment, to love without conditions. It’s the dog that lets the tail go, realizing that it’s already a part of himself. It’s the Domino’s that cancels its own order, realizing it already has the pizza it wanted. Or something.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to publish this article comfortable with the fact that some people will probably hate it. And eat my pizza.

Valuable Post

How are you supposed to be confident about something when you have nothing to feel confident about?

Like, how are you supposed to be confident at your new job if you’ve never done this type of work before? Or how are you supposed to be confident in social situations when no one has ever liked you before? Or how are you supposed to be confident in your relationship when you’ve never been in a successful relationship before?

On the surface, confidence appears to be an area where the rich get richer and the poor stay the fucking losers they are. After all, if you’ve never experienced much social acceptance, and you lack confidence around new people, then that lack of confidence will make people think you’re clingy and weird and not accept you.

Same deal goes for relationships. No confidence in intimacy will lead to bad breakups and awkward phone calls and emergency Ben and Jerry’s runs at three in the morning.

And seriously, how are you supposed to be confident in your work experience when previous experience is required to even be considered for a job in the first place?

The Confidence Conundrum

If you’ve always lost in life, then how could you ever expect to be a winner? And if you never expect to be a winner, then you’re going to act like a loser. Thus the cycle of suckage continues.

This is the confidence conundrum, where in order to be happy or loved or successful, first you need to be confident… but to be confident, first you need to be happy or loved or successful.

So it seems like you’re stuck in one of two loops: either you’re already in a happy and confident loop, like this.

Or you’re in a loser loop, like this.

And if you’re in the loser loop, well it seems damn near impossible to get out.

It’s like a dog chasing its own tail. Or Domino’s ordering its own pizza. You can spend a lot of time cuticle-gazing trying to mentally sort everything out, but just like with your lack of confidence, you’re likely to end up right back where you started.

But maybe we’re going about this all wrong. Maybe the confidence conundrum isn’t really a conundrum at all.

If we pay close attention, we can learn a few things about confidence just by observing people. So before you run off and order that pizza, let’s break this down:

  1. Just because somebody has something (tons of friends, a million dollars, a bitchin’ beach body) doesn’t necessarily mean that this person is confident in it. There are business tycoons who totally lack confidence in their own wealth, models who lack confidence in their looks, and celebrities who lack confidence in their own popularity. So I think the first thing we can establish is that confidence is not necessarily linked to any external marker. Rather, our confidence is rooted in our perception of ourselves regardless of any tangible external reality.
  2. Because our confidence is not necessarily linked to any external, tangible measurement, we can conclude that improving the external, tangible aspects of our lives won’t necessarily build confidence. Chances are that if you’ve lived more than a couple of decades, you’ve experienced this in some form or another. Getting a promotion at your job doesn’t necessarily make you more confident in your professional abilities. In fact, it can often make you feel less confident. Dating and/or sleeping with more people doesn’t necessarily make you feel more confident about how attractive you are. Moving in with your partner or getting married doesn’t necessarily make you feel any more confident in your relationship.
  3. Confidence is a feeling. An emotional state and a state of mind. It’s the perception that you lack nothing. That you are equipped with everything you need, both now and for the future. A person confident in their social life will feel as though they lack nothing in their social life. A person with no confidence in their social life believes that they lack the prerequisite coolness to be invited to anyone’s pizza party. It’s this perception of lacking something that drives their needy, clingy, and/or bitchy behavior.

How to Be More Confident

The obvious and most common answer to the confidence conundrum is to simply believe that you lack nothing. That you already have, or at least deserve, whatever you feel you would need to make you confident.

But this sort of thinking—believing you’re already beautiful even though you’re a frumpy slob, or believing you’re a raving success even though your only profitable business venture was selling weed in high school—leads to the kind of insufferable narcissism that causes people to argue that obesity (something that is more detrimental to your health than smoking cigarettes) should be celebrated as beauty and that it’s, like, totally OK to carve your name into the Roman Colosseum, because, you know, selfies.

A lot of people soon realize this doesn’t work and so they take a different approach: incremental, external improvement.

They read articles that tell them the top 50 things confident people do, and then they try to do those things.

They start to exercise, dress better, make more eye contact, and practice firmer handshakes.

This is admittedly a step above simply believing that you’re already confident and that you don’t belong in the loser loop. After all, at least you’re doing something about your lack of confidence. And actually, it will work—but only for a little while.

Again, this type of thinking only focuses on external sources of confidence. And remember, deriving your self-confidence from the world around you is short-lived at its best and completely fucking delusional at its worst.

So no, external improvement is not a sustainable solution to the confidence conundrum. And feeling as though you lack nothing and deluding yourself into believing you already possess everything you could ever dream of is far worse.

Read that again.

The big charade with confidence is that it has nothing to do with being comfortable in what we achieve and everything to do with being comfortable in what we don’t achieve.

People who are confident in business are confident because they’re comfortable with failure. They realize that failure is simply part of learning how their market works. It’s a reflection of their lack of knowledge, not a reflection of who they are as a person.

People who are confident in their social lives are confident because they’re comfortable with rejection. They’re not afraid of rejection because they’re comfortable with people not liking them as long as they’re expressing themselves honestly.

People who are confident in their relationships are confident because they’re comfortable with getting hurt. They’re not afraid to be vulnerable and tell someone how they feel and then establish strong boundaries around those feelings, even if it means being uncomfortable (or leaving a bad relationship).

Building Confidence Through Failure

The truth is that the route to the positive runs through the negative. Those among us who are the most comfortable with negative experiences are those who reap the most benefits.

It’s counterintuitive, but it’s also true. We often worry that if we become comfortable in our failures—that if we accept failure as an inevitable part of living—that we will become failures.

But it doesn’t work that way.

Comfort in our failures allows us to act without fear, to engage without judgment, to love without conditions. It’s the dog that lets the tail go, realizing that it’s already a part of himself. It’s the Domino’s that cancels its own order, realizing it already has the pizza it wanted. Or something.

Now if you’ll excuse me, I’m going to publish this article comfortable with the fact that some people will probably hate it. And eat my pizza.

I think stuff about method is great who agrees?

Her biggest fear, the unthinkable… It happened. But instead of being the nightmare she imagined, it became the answer to her prayers. You may remember hearing about her on the news. 

At 13-years-old, Bethany Hamilton lost her arm to a 14-foot tiger shark. But just four weeks later, she was back in the ocean, re-learning how to surf, and would later go on to win a national title.

In her words, “You don’t need easy, you just need possible.”

Bethany’s story has inspired millions through the blockbuster movie Soul Surfer, and the award-winning documentary, Unstoppable. (I also featured her story in Everything is Figureoutable about not letting any excuse hold you back!). I love how this Soul Surfer continues to face new fears and take on bigger waves — both in the ocean and the world.

In this MarieTV, we talk about how to overcome devastating setbacks, the power of following your fear, and why it’s never too late to follow your dreams.


The game is not to try and eliminate problems, it's actually to be strong enough to handle them. @bethanyhamilton 
Click To Tweet


You’ll also learn:

  • How to handle an unexpected loss.
  • Why “working harder” won’t solve your problems — and what to do instead.
  • The power of owning your story (and sharing it the right way).
  • What science has to say about living a long, joyful life.
  • Why it’s never too late to restart those half-finished goals.
  • What really fuels success (spoiler: it’s NOT motivation).
  • The BIGGEST wave Bethany ever surfed — and why she craves it.

If you’re ready to brave the waves of your life with strength and grace, this episode is a must-watch. And don’t miss Bethany’s special gift to our MarieTV community below this video.

View Transcript

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

Listen Now

DIVE DEEPER: Learn how to be your bravest self with Brené Brown & never let fear stop you again with Koya Webb.

Bethany is a shining example of how you can overcome adversity and stay true to yourself. But, she never claimed it was easy. She braved the surf again because “My love for surfing outweighed my fear of sharks.”

If you want to find the courage to face your fears? Let your passion make you brave.

Now, let’s turn this insight into action.

Don’t overthink this — just go with your gut-level response. In the comments below, share your answers to these two questions:

  1. What is one dream or “big wave” in your life that scares you?
  2. What could you accomplish if you let your love for your dream outweigh your fear of failing?

Remember, even though our culture loves to feature high highs and low lows, most of our successes and failures will NOT be as dramatic as national surfing titles and shark attacks.

As Bethany says, “You never know when your next success will be. You can will yourself to succeed as much as you want, but a lot of times you just have to keep putting along until it happens.”

Keep going for your dreams because the world really does need that special gift that only you have.

P.S. Want more peace and less chaos in your life? Bethany Hamilton is offering a special gift to viewers of MarieTV. Learn More about Bethany’s Be Present course and use the code MARIE to sign up for free.

XO

The post From Shark Attack to Super Mom: The Bethany Hamilton Story appeared first on .

Planets best self-improvement super fan

%%sitename%% | The Self-Improvement Blog | Self-Esteem | Self Confidence

working remote

Throughout the current pandemic, many of us have had to quickly adapt to working from home and ‘remote working’ has now become part of our everyday vocabulary.

There are some good things about remote working. You can spend an extra hour in bed instead of commuting, you’re saving on average £76 a month on fuel and you don’t have to get changed into office wear, which some may find uncomfortable.

However, it also has its downsides too. Many of us are struggling with the lack of sociality. Many of us thrive on office banter and being around people, and it’s particularly difficult for those that live on their own. Some of us have children that we need to now entertain throughout the day as well as work, which is proving challenging for many, and many of us just can’t motivate ourselves when we’re in the comfort of our own home.

We spoke to five office workers for their tips on how they stay motivated while they’re remote working from their homes:

1. Leaha James, Head of Contact Centre Services at Connect Assist:

“If your home has the space, or an extra room that isn’t being used as much as your living room and bedroom, then add in a clear desk to it. This will not only prevent any distractions such as Netflix or even getting back into bed, but it will also keep work from seeping into your down time too. Keep the laptop well out of sight when you’ve finished for the day and you’re trying to relax!”

a room that’s separate to any distractions. A separate working area will not only allow you to not get distracted by the likes of Netflix or even the washing up, but it will also keep work from seeping into your down time areas too.”

2. Scott Jones, Managing Director of Illustrate Digital:

“It’s good to keep a clear line between work and relaxing so that you actually feel as though you’ve finished work for the day.

Get yourselves a good chair and a tidy desk. This will reduce strain on your back and neck, and will ensure that you’re sat comfortable for a day’s work.”

3. Bella Adams, Marketing Manager at Aura Ads:

“Make sure you get changed out of your pyjamas and into something that’s more appropriate for the working day. I love wearing my pyjamas but I’m far less productive when I wear them – they make me want to go back to sleep!

Even just brushing your hair and putting on some clean jogging bottoms is miles better than not getting changed out of last night’s pyjamas at all. Plus, it will mean you’ll be ready for any surprise video calls that may spring on you!”

4. Jade Thomas, Office Manager at Pure Property Finance:

“I’ve found that taking a lunch break away from all screens, including TV and my phone, helps with productivity in the afternoon. Some things that I’ve done to keep myseslf away from the screen include settling down with a few chapters of my latest book, taking a half-hour walk but of course that’s weather dependent, or even just doing a bit of house work. You’ll be surprised how many steps you get in just by doing the hoovering!”

5. Shaun Perry, Head of HR at Howells Solicitors:

“Make sure you shut-down at your normal logging off time. It’s so easy to work later than normal, or log in in the evenings if you forgot to do something in the day but it’s important that you give your body a rest away from the screen and work. If you’re working later than normal, the chances are is that you’re going to soon get fed up and feel overworked.”

 

 

 

 

%%focuskw%% | How to Maximise Productivity While Remote Working

posts about self-improvement are why everyone loves social media

Her biggest fear, the unthinkable… It happened. But instead of being the nightmare she imagined, it became the answer to her prayers. You may remember hearing about her on the news. 

At 13-years-old, Bethany Hamilton lost her arm to a 14-foot tiger shark. But just four weeks later, she was back in the ocean, re-learning how to surf, and would later go on to win a national title.

In her words, “You don’t need easy, you just need possible.”

Bethany’s story has inspired millions through the blockbuster movie Soul Surfer, and the award-winning documentary, Unstoppable. (I also featured her story in Everything is Figureoutable about not letting any excuse hold you back!). I love how this Soul Surfer continues to face new fears and take on bigger waves — both in the ocean and the world.

In this MarieTV, we talk about how to overcome devastating setbacks, the power of following your fear, and why it’s never too late to follow your dreams.


The game is not to try and eliminate problems, it's actually to be strong enough to handle them. @bethanyhamilton 
Click To Tweet


You’ll also learn:

  • How to handle an unexpected loss.
  • Why “working harder” won’t solve your problems — and what to do instead.
  • The power of owning your story (and sharing it the right way).
  • What science has to say about living a long, joyful life.
  • Why it’s never too late to restart those half-finished goals.
  • What really fuels success (spoiler: it’s NOT motivation).
  • The BIGGEST wave Bethany ever surfed — and why she craves it.

If you’re ready to brave the waves of your life with strength and grace, this episode is a must-watch. And don’t miss Bethany’s special gift to our MarieTV community below this video.

View Transcript

Check out this episode on The Marie Forleo Podcast

Listen Now

DIVE DEEPER: Learn how to be your bravest self with Brené Brown & never let fear stop you again with Koya Webb.

Bethany is a shining example of how you can overcome adversity and stay true to yourself. But, she never claimed it was easy. She braved the surf again because “My love for surfing outweighed my fear of sharks.”

If you want to find the courage to face your fears? Let your passion make you brave.

Now, let’s turn this insight into action.

Don’t overthink this — just go with your gut-level response. In the comments below, share your answers to these two questions:

  1. What is one dream or “big wave” in your life that scares you?
  2. What could you accomplish if you let your love for your dream outweigh your fear of failing?

Remember, even though our culture loves to feature high highs and low lows, most of our successes and failures will NOT be as dramatic as national surfing titles and shark attacks.

As Bethany says, “You never know when your next success will be. You can will yourself to succeed as much as you want, but a lot of times you just have to keep putting along until it happens.”

Keep going for your dreams because the world really does need that special gift that only you have.

P.S. Want more peace and less chaos in your life? Bethany Hamilton is offering a special gift to viewers of MarieTV. Learn More about Bethany’s Be Present course and use the code MARIE to sign up for free.

XO

The post From Shark Attack to Super Mom: The Bethany Hamilton Story appeared first on .